


A Cautionary Tale

by RipleyUnderWater



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2017-12-04 20:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RipleyUnderWater/pseuds/RipleyUnderWater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate Universe: Hope was forced to leave the national team in 2007 and hasn't been seen since. Recent injuries leads Pia to invite her back to the team in 2012 in preparation for the Olympics. Things haven't been going so well for Team USA, but are they ready for a visit from the past?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Cautionary Tale

Kelley rushed into the lobby of the hotel. Her luggage was making a racket on the tile floor, but she could hardly help for that. She had come straight from the airport. Flight delays were turning an already nerve filled camp into a disaster.

There was only one person manning the desk and he was already helping someone. Kelley took a moment to stop being a mouth-breather and catch her breath. Being the last person to arrive wasn't the same as being late she told herself. By her clock she had ten whole minutes before the meeting was to start. The hotel clock said otherwise though. She rolled back on her heels a few times. Impatient.

There was someone else in the lobby. The woman was standing over by the chairs along the far wall which were arrange in a way that implied people just hung out in the lobby and needed places to sit. Nobody hung out in a lobby like this. The chairs looked completely unused.

The woman was dark haired and sharp featured with cool blue eyes that glanced over at the younger woman briefly before the conversation she was having on her phone stole her attention again. She wore a scarf bunched up over a fashionable blouse with matching leggings and boots.

She looked familiar, but in a distant way. Like Kelley had seen her on television at some point. Kelley tried not to be nosy, but there wasn't anything else to do besides hip check the middle aged woman in front of her and demand her room card which was what had been playing out in her head on loop for the last few minutes.

"I don't know," the woman said. She seemed to be trying to talk quietly, but the lobby was dead quiet now that Kelley had parked her luggage. "I made the decision on the other side of the planet. That's a pretty big buffer. Now that I'm here -" She was pacing now so it was harder to hear. Reception seemed to be crummy too. She pulled her phone back a moment to look at the bars. She swung back around again and Kelley could make out the words.

"- would be on my side about this. I know we haven't talked much lately. Fine, a year. I try to be there for things, but I have my life there. It's home now."

Finally, Kelley thought. The lady in front of her was finished and she could get her room key and maybe make it to the meeting on time. Maybe. She was filling out some paperwork, ear still tuned to the one sided conversation going on behind her.

"I need go in now. You called right when I was about to -" There was a long pause. "I'll be fine. It's just a week. What can happen in a week?"

Kelley glanced at the woman while she waited for her key card. Something in her voice had made her look up. Sure enough, if the person on the other line could see her expression they'd know she was lying. She didn't look fine at all.

"Thanks for talking. You're a good guy, Adrian."

Key in hand, Kelley grabbed her luggage and started rolling towards the elevators. She had two minutes to drop her stuff off and find the conference room. She was going to be late for sure.

***

Kelley stood in the back of the hotel conference room looking for an open seat around one of the tables. She'd make her move when Pia finished her opening acoustic set. You got used to Pia. Normally she was relaxing through something like this, but normally she wasn't late.

There was a woman sitting apart from the others in a chair near the door. Only a few feet away from where Kelley was standing. She hadn't noticed her at first. Now she couldn't help but look her over. Not just because she was attractive and well dressed in a sea of sweatpants and hoodies. It was the same woman from the lobby.

It wasn't normal for meetings to have observers, but this wasn't a normal camp. Things weren't going so well for Team USA. Maybe they'd be lucky and she was a new Studio 90 host. Somehow she doubted they could afford someone like her. Someone from Nike then? Nothing added up.

Pia stopped her pre-meeting guitar playing and there was laughter as she finished with the blues. That was certainly topical. It was enough disturbance Kelley was able to go to the last open seat near Tobin. Cheney and Arod scooted themselves a little closer to make room.

"Who's the hottie?" Kelley whispered. Obviously she had missed the introduction. The fact no one else was looking back there was telling too. A mysterious, gorgeous woman in the back, boring meeting in the front. Which direction would you be looking?

An exasperated look went over Cheney's face. Like Kelley had asked the stupidest thing ever. Cheney had been taking notes - _what a nerd_ \- and wrote in the corner of a page.

// Hope Solo //

She couldn't stop herself from taking another look at the woman. Hope didn't look like how she did in the news clips. Of course that was years ago. Almost a generation in sports or dog years. Still -

Kelley remembered a young, blonde haired girl in green. Teary eyed. Hurt. Defiant. Ultimately exiled. She was the cautionary tale of women's soccer.

This woman sitting in the back now made other words come to mind. Relaxed. Indifferent even. Like you could have swapped scenes at a French cafe and she'd have fit right in. People watching. That's what she seemed to be doing. There might as well have been glass between them like in a zoo. If it wasn't for that scene in the lobby she could almost believe it was all true.

Kelley ducked her head as she noticed those blue eyes fixed on her. No doubt she recognized her from earlier. She felt herself blush from being caught staring. She directed her eyes down at the paper on the table to give herself something to do. Cheney had kept writing in the meanwhile.

// Do you not check your texts? Pia brought her in from Sweden. Another experiment. Not eye candy, creeper. //

That last bit was double underlined. So she had missed some important bit of information while on the plane. She had seen the call up list for camp earlier. This must have been a last minute addition. Her eyes lingered on the word "another". Her stomach clenched.

The meeting wound down and Kelley was noticing tension building from the veterans. This must be weird for them. They had played with Hope before. Most probably hadn't even seen the goalkeeper since she left almost what, six years ago? Five? She hadn't played domestically after all. Not even with the WPS.

"I'd like to introduce Hope Solo," Pia began in that oblivious way she could sometimes. Willfully oblivious Kelley suspected. Sometimes she did something controversial, but acted like it wasn't a big deal at all. Like promote a young forward to defense.

Pia was shrewder than she looked. You had to be to coach the national team. As one of Pia's experiments Kelley had first hand knowledge of that. "I pulled some strings and Hope agreed to take some time off from her Champions League chase to help us out with the Olympics while our goalkeepers are injured." What strings were those, Kelley wondered. They had to have harpoon hooks attached to them. "Anything you want to say to the group?"

Everyone shifted in their seats to look at the back of the room. Intended or not it seemed like it was one against many.

For Hope's part she hardly reacted to the attention. She stood up gracefully. Towering in her heeled boots. She was tall of course, but leaner than most keepers. Then there were the leggings. You couldn't help but notice the muscles marking her as a soccer player. Kelley scolded herself for missing the signs.

Hope's body language was all goalkeeper though. She was used to standing apart. Her smile could have been accompanied by the sound of ice cracking.

"I'm letting my work speak for me. I'm here to do a job. That's to get a gold medal. Pia says that's what this group is all about. I guess I'll find out for myself."

Then she said something to Pia which might as well have been gibberish. Swedish. She was speaking fucking Swedish. That didn't do anything to make her less an alien in their midst. Which was probably the point. Hope stood apart, but wasn't without her own connections.

"There's some rules involved," Pia acted like she didn't have time for any rules. "Abby will relay those to you. See you in the morning bright and early. You know the routine."

Pia strolled out with Hope coming along side her at the door. They were speaking amicably in Swedish, oblivious to the wide eyes following their every move. The hush lasted until the door clicked shut behind them.

"Could that have been any weirder?" Arod said. Everyone marked it as rhetorical.

Kelley couldn't decide if she was relieved someone had shifted the drama spotlight away from her recent issues or if sharing Pia's experiment status made it a little less lonely. Either way it was a welcome distraction.

"Pia's contract is almost up. She's making executive pardons on her way out." Cheney said, only half joking. "Tasha's probably expecting a call." There was nervous laughter all around. Tasha was a sore subject.

"Who would have guessed you'd be playing in front of Hope Solo?" Tobin nudged the freshly minted defender playfully.

"Oh, god. I mean gosh." That was something Kelley hadn't though of yet. At least the other goalkeepers knew her situation. She's be starting on the backline with a new goalkeeper who will expect her to have her shit together.

Somehow out of all of them Tobin seemed the most relaxed about the whole thing. She always seemed unconcerned with team tensions though. It was her super power that Kelley didn't realize she lacked herself until she was suddenly jostled out of her comfort zone.

Abby took over the meeting and everyone gave their full attention to the captain. "Some of you know what went on back then. Some of you are new. Pia thinks this is a good idea and she's the coach so we are going to let it play out."

She paused to let the words sink in which opened things up for a lot of side comments from the peanut gallery. Kelley kept quiet this time. She was so far down on the decision making process that these meetings were more of a farce than anything. The real meeting happened in someone's room hours ago.

"Rules are these: She stays away from us and we stay away from her. That wasn't just our idea. We aren't bullies. She agreed to it. She doesn't talk to the media. Everything is separate outside of meetings and on the field of course. Everything. It's a probationary thing. Any questions?"

Everyone got up to leave. There never were any questions.

***

"Beep test queen!"  

"Go Kelley!"

"Open the door wider. Her head still has to fit through." Hey, now.

Oh, the adoration of peers. In this case it was accompanied by dry heaves and spotty vision. They never mentioned that part of being a winner. Or the fact Kelley would trade away every beep test championship for just an ounce of confidence on the field when it counted.

When she was pretty sure she wouldn't heave up breakfast she entered the showers as one of the last stragglers. It wasn't entirely empty as she had thought. There were sounds of water running in the back stall. She didn't have to do a headcount to figure out who it was. Hope had been one of the last to come in before her.

She stepped into a stall, hung her towel up, and turned the water on. The hotter the better. The scrapes on her legs burned, but it was a nice feeling after nearly passing out.

She heard the other shower shut off. The locker room sounds from earlier were diminishing. She had a feeling Hope had taken her time for just that reason. She had been true to her word so far, but with Hope out of sight didn't mean out of mind.

Kelley hadn't seen her much since the night before at the meeting. She stayed in her room. Ate meals there presumably. Rode in the front of the van to the field with the equipment guy. Everything was going as dictated. It was weird.

The funny thing about being segregated is it could be all a matter of perspective. Sometimes people stand apart because they are rejected. Other times it is because they are superior. And then there's Hope Solo.

"Good job, O'Hara." The voice came from behind her. Pitched just loud enough to be heard over the water. Kelley froze, soap taking that moment to run right in her eyes.

"Uh, thanks." She risked a glance, breaking the "do not look at anyone" rule of the shower, but the view from her stall showed an empty room.

She finished up quickly then, not wanting to keep the last van waiting for her. The changing room was empty apart from Alex and Cheney who were doing their makeup near the mirrors. Then there was Hope who was still changing in front of a locker. Kelley half hoped her friends would leave first, but they seemed to be waiting for her.  

The goalkeeper had her back to the room. Her head was bent down while tying her sweatpants. Her back was all muscle beneath the sports bra. There was a nondescript tattoo partially covered along her spine. It was text but impossible to read at that distance. It matched it's host perfectly then. Distant and impossible to read.

Kelley wisely looked away and finished up in the locker room. She walked out to the last van waiting along with Alex and Cheney. They were arguing the logistics of catching up with episodes of Revenge.

"Hulu just has the last three episodes available," Alex complained.

"Let me introduce you to the future and something called bitorrent," Cheney said, taking her deviant in training under her wing.

Kelley let them talk. Her mind wandered elsewhere. A few meters behind her to be exact.

***

"Have you ever Googled yourself?"

Kelley was laid up in bed getting treatment for a slight ankle twinge from practice. She had her laptop open in front of her, but the internet was boring. Arod was nursing a headache so they were doing a low-key roommate evening. Both immobilized in their own ways.

"No, and I'm not about to start." Arod said too quickly. That meant she had Googled herself.

"What did you find?"

"Well, I -" Gottcha! "That was low, Kel."

Kelley angled the screen just slightly away from her roommate. Her hands hovered over the keys for a moment before they typed a name and hit enter. There was nothing weird about reading a wikipedia on someone. That's public information.

There was the normal information on the side. Date of birth. Etc, etc. Then some equally normal information for an athlete.

It was weird to see an American player without any WPS experience. There were two Swedish clubs listed. Compared to many she had a pretty stable club career after some initial hopping around. It was hard not to be envious.

Of course there wasn't much written about what she was up to in Sweden. It was like the wiki froze in time after The Incident. If she wanted to know more she'd have to venture further out. Or learn Swedish.

She clicked back to the search page and selected images. There were many pictures of a blonde Hope Solo wearing the green kit and looking miserable. After about a page of that there was more recent stuff. She set a date range. There was nothing creepy about being a good researcher, right? That Stanford education had to come in handy eventually.

These newer photos looked more like the player she had seen today. Only there she was smiling with Swedish teammates. Action shots where she was suspended in the air at impossible angles. Scantily clad and leaning on the hood of a car for a local promotion. That was interesting.

So far here at camp Hope was all business on the field. She clearly had skills, but the chemistry she saw in those pictures was absent. Not a surprise. She wondered who the person with the smile was.

She typed in YouTube and Hope Solo and shamelessly hit enter. It didn't occur to her to put her headphones in before she scrubbed forward past the intro and hit play -

"- exactly, exactly. It's all about cutting down the angles. They make my job easy. The chemistry of the backline is everything but it starts in the midfield. It starts with forwards being willing to tackle. Willing make that extra -" Kelley managed to hit the pause button, but by how high Arod's eyebrows had shot up she had been busted.

"Don't let me stop you, creeper. Just keep the volume down." Arod looked pointedly at the slightly open door to their room. She was easy going, but she knew the rules. As long as she thought it was a crush she'd keep quiet about it though.

"Aren't you curious? Even a little bit?"

"Not in the way you are. You've got a Michelle Rodriguez level infatuation. She's just going to turn into a zombie and try to kill you. That's your type, Kel."

"The undead is my type? Ok, obvious aesthetics aside," Kelley admitted, "I'm just curious. I'm going to be working with her. No one has seen her in years and then she shows up out of the blue?" That's all it was anyway though, right? A crush. A mystery?

"You heard what Abby said. You have enough to worry about anyway. Don't distract yourself while you've got your foot in the door finally."

"Don't remind me." In Pia's list of experiments if Hope jumped to item one Kelley was certainly item number two. After the second errant back pass the list of believers in her might not even include herself.

Arod was right about one thing though. It was better just to let this crush burn itself out with YouTube videos and an over active, private imagination. Step one: Headphones. Step two: Press play.

"Speaking of chemistry," the Swedish interviewer said in a thick accent. "We've got a lot of callers tonight and most of them are asking the same question. So are you solo?" Hope laughed, eyes crinkling for a moment as she looked off camera. At someone in the studio?

"I'm not lonely," she finally said. Lord, she was sly. That smile was illegal.

"I wouldn't think so, no." The interviewer was clearly charmed. He said something in Swedish and she answered likewise. The language thing was going to be a problem. This stuff always looked easier on shows like Revenge. Emily Thorne, what have you been up to all this time? What's the game plan?

Hopefully she was not looking for revenge. She seemed to have a happy, if remote, life in Sweden. Then why come back when she was clearly not wanted? Needed, yes. Wanted though? Pia had to have said something to shake loose some old dreams.

***

Rampone didn't often make mistakes. Wet conditions, pressure from playing in the defensive half for much of the last twenty, stretching herself out too thin while looking after a rookie defender, a loose patch of grass -

It was probably one of those things. All of those things. Kelley didn't have time to take a poll. Her body just reacted to a break in the pattern of the game. She was playing on instinct. There was an impossibly fast Chinese player streaking to the goal with Rampone scrambling to gain ground.

Hope had come off her line to challenge the oncoming player while Kelley was running in from the side at an angle. They'd have numbers for a few seconds, but China was bringing more players up. Once there's blood in the water anything could happen.

Between Rampone nipping on her heels and Hope rushing in the Chinese player shot too early. Hope slid sideways in the mud, lost her footing, but got a hand on it. The ball shot off to the side in a dead area where the rest of the Chinese offense was closing in. The crowd was loud. As though they saw the same opening Kelley did.

Kelley cut across towards the ball. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Hope had recovered and was moving back into position. Too late, she thought.

The ball was kicked up near the goal. It wasn't a good shot, but just crazy enough it was on its way in regardless of skill. The dangerous spin proved very difficult to track in the split second she had to react. Kelley flew across the face of the goal, intent to clear, when Hope seemed to materialize right in front of her swinging foot.

The move that should have sent the ball down the field instead hit solid muscle. It was a sickening thump you never wanted to hear and certainly didn't want to feel rattle up your leg. Miraculously Hope held on to the ball. She landed in a heap as Kelley flew over her, trying not hit her again as she tumbled by.

The play was dead and the official rushed over as though expecting a long delay. Surprisingly, Hope was already getting to her knees despite gasping for breath.

Kelley leaned over and put a hand on the goalkeeper's back, looking on as the official was asking the usual questions. They were both mud splattered and dripping and out of breath.

Rampone was standing a few feet away, puffing for air herself after the sprint that led her there. She was holding a hand up to the bench which she dropped hesitantly a moment later. Hope had gotten to her feet, wincing a little as she stood upright.

"I'm ok," Hope said a few times as she probed her ribcage with a gloved hand. "Just need to catch my breath." It sounded like it was all she could do to get that much out. She was pale and breathing like she was down to one lung, but the official nodded and started to trot off.

Hope straightened up to her full height. The intensity of the blue gaze she turned on Kelley was wilting for a moment. "O'Hara, when I call for the ball you back off. Every time."  

Kelley's stomach hit the floor. She normally was great at taking instructions, but she could still feel the kick all the way up her leg. It must have reflected on her face because Hope pulled her closer. She felt a heavy arm drape over her shoulder as Hope leaned into her ear so she could be heard over the restless crowd.

"I appreciate the hustle, but you need to listen for me. Alright, kid? You're doing fine. Don't forget to smile. The world is watching." She gave the younger player a smile as an example and a swat to send her off. The crowd cheered as though that was the sign the scare was over.

Fortunately that was the end of the excitement. Hope didn't need to make another save and kept to short passes whenever she did get the ball. After the game the locker room was quiet. They hadn't played well at all. Kelley had wanted to say something to Hope, but the goalkeeper never materialized. Worse, Pia hadn't made an appearance either.

If the locker room was quiet the bus was a crypt. Kelley sat in the back, lost in her own thoughts. Most of them involving friendly fire and being the weak link in the defense she just didn't feel a part of.

Finally the doors of the bus opened up and Hope ascended the stairs quickly, if a bit stiffly, and took the seat behind the driver. Pia and the trainers filed in a moment later and the bus began to roll.

That was like a signal to let out the breath everyone was collectively holding. They didn't break another goalkeeper. Maybe there was an end to the bad luck after all.

***

It was late, but there was a light showing under the hotel room door. Kelley stood outside in her pajamas, debating the wisdom of what she was about to do. Of course continuing to stand out in front of the door in full view of anyone who might walk by wasn't the smartest thing she could do either. So she knocked.

The door opened after a noticeable pause. Hope stood in the door frame wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. It was the least made up she had appeared off the field. She looked exhausted actually. To the extent Kelley almost regretted bothering her.

"I just wanted to check on you. After what happened today." She felt heat build on her face as it seemed like Hope dismantled her with her eyes. Suspicion. "We've burned through two goalkeepers since I joined the backline."

Of course she'd be suspicious of a late night visitor. Kelley had never felt anything but harmless all of her life, but at that moment she thought back to betrayals of the past and realized exactly what she was asking of the goalkeeper. "If I'm going to be kicking you regularly we should at least introduce ourselves properly."

Hope leaned a little heavier on the doorframe. She was still sizing her up but at least not hostile now. "Um. Sure. You should probably come in then." She retreated back into the room and Kelley, thankfully, got out of the hallway.

The room was like the others on that floor. The extra bed was full of nearly a week's worth of discarded clothes and shopping bags. A thick book was on the nightstand. The garbage bin full of old Starbucks paper cups was a little weird. That was way more than five days worth of coffee.

Hope had noticeably relaxed once the door was closed. "Give me a second." She padded over to the bed where a laptop was open. She was skyping with someone. In Swedish which meant she wasn't worried about eavesdropping. After a minute she signed off with a casual "love you too" before snapping the lid shut.

"Catching up with someone back home?" As soon as it left her mouth she realized how personal that was. At least in present company. Hope did a one shoulder shrug.

"I keep waking people up because of the time difference. They all hate me now." She smiled tiredly, leaning back into a pile of pillows against the back of the bed. "You think you've got nothing tying you down in the world and then you find yourself obsessively skyping everyone including your dogsitter."

Now that they were in better lighting Kelley could see that her eyes were puffy. Guilt started to seep in again.

Of course she wasn't holed up in her room having a great time after being ostracized for a week and kicked in the gut by one of her teammates to top it off. Even if you did sign on knowing what would be in store for you it was a whole other thing to live it. Kelley regrouped.

"How's the size seven and a half?" Kelley gestured at her side and made a kicking motion.

Hope lifted her t-shirt up on that side, gingerly. Bare skin, muscle, and a massive, massive bruise forming. Kelley winced in sympathy.

"That's pretty epic." She sat on the edge of the bed to get a better look. It was almost the size of her hand and already a spectacular array of colors. "I make a good bruise."

"Yeah, well you weren't the first, but it has been a while," Hope admitted. "Tests came back negative and I've taken enough pain killers I will not have trouble sleeping." She half laughed half coughed. Both clearly hurt to do by the way she reacted. "Waking will be another thing." They had a recovery day before a closed door against China again. She'd be needing every hour of that.

"I probably should be getting back." It wasn't terribly late, but Kelley could see Hope fading. Hope took a moment to yawn which again seemed like a bad idea in her current state.

"It was nice to meet you," Hope said with a smile that actually reached her eyes. Her hand shot out and Kelley took it and gave it a shake. They had been practicing together for almost a week. This was their introduction.

"You can always talk to me. I know the rules, but if you want to, I mean. I can be stealthy." Kelley slinked over to the door with an exaggerated tip-toe to prove the point.

"I've noticed your version of stealthy, kid. You need to work on that." Humor from the goalkeeper? She wasn't sure if she should tackle the lack of confidence in her sneaking skills first or try to put a stop to this "kid" business before it stuck.

Kelley had half turned to protest when a knock sounded on the door and she practically hit the floor. Busted!

"Hide." Hope was calmer than what seemed humanly possible. It was completely ridiculous, but the heat of the moment wasn't the best time to be debating the rules you were breaking.

Kelley shot across the room and dove between the bed and the wall where there was just enough space for a person to hide. Darkness and creepy hotel carpeting awaited her. She held perfectly still, torn between how stupid this was and how bad things happened in stupid moments. She could hear the door open.

"What can I do for you?" Hope was either letting herself sound tired or more likely she was tired. Either way she made it sound like she didn't want this to turn into a long conversation.

"Just checking up on you." That was Abby. Please, oh please, don't come inside to talk. Kelley felt like she was spying as it was.

"I'm ok. I'll be ready for Monday." Then there was a pause. There was something between those two, Kelley thought. She could only imagine. They were essentially the same age back when everything happened. Now there were only rumors of what happened. A cautionary tale. Cautionary tales rarely got sequels.

"Great. Alright then. Take care of yourself," Abby finished lamely. See you tomorrow, or goodnight probably didn't apply. It was painfully awkward to listen to all of the silence.

Kelley heard the door shut but still didn't move. There was no graceful way of extracting yourself from half under the bed anyhow. The mattress creaked and a head poked over the side.

Hope held her hand out, amusement on her face. "When I said hide I had the bathroom in mind you know."  

"Oh." That would make sense.

She took the offered hand and rolled up onto the bed where they both collapsed. Hope from pain meds and Kelley from crippling embarrassment. Hope was quiet for a while. The ceiling must have been fascinating for how much she was studying it.

"You should probably stay here until traffic clears," Hope finally said. She didn't sound put out. In fact she was already settling into bed again, hand going to the television remote. "Like I said, stealth isn't your strength."

"Defense doesn't seem to be my strength either." Kelley stayed there on her back. Hope must be onto something. The ceiling was fascinating when you didn't want to look at someone's reaction.

Kelley felt better after unburdening herself. Even just a little bit. She didn't say what else was on her mind. That not everyone agreed with Pia's decision to try her out there. That her biggest detractor might be herself.

"That we can work on." Hope said it like a side comment, but Kelley swiveled her head around. If her ears could perk up they would have. "Your face." Hope nudged Kelley's shoulder with her knee.

"My face?"

"You aren't exactly subtle," she said, not looking away from the television. "It's cute." She continued flipping through the channels. Kelley stole a few glances at the goalkeeper but nothing was revealed there.

They watched the tv in companionable silence. After a while Kelley looked over and saw Hope had fallen asleep. The meds had finally taken over. Kelley used all of her non-existent stealth to shut off the tv, pull the blanket up over her new friend, and turn out the lights on her way out.

***

After that night Kelley was officially playing two games. One was of course soccer. Hope had kept her word and practically controlled her like she was a video game character during that second game against China. All of the things that would normally go unsaid for a seasoned veteran of the backline Hope yelled out with precision. She'd keep doing it until it became learned. Became the correct instincts. Until then it was a lot of yelling.

The rules for the second game were harder to define but every bit as competitive. Eye contact, one point. Smile, two points. It was fun trying to make Hope react from across the locker room. She knew Hope thought she was a little goofy, but ever since Kelley had seen through the mask she couldn't in good consciousness leave it be. The fact everyone thought Hope was being hard on her was a good smokescreen.

"Solo really doesn't like you, Kel." Alex flat out stated around a bite of food.

It had been Hope's first chance at cracking the skull of her most insecure defender. The attention was wonderful. Everyone else assumed otherwise.

"I played better though." Kelley evaded that cleanly she thought.

It had been an afternoon game and they were eating a post game meal together. Alex, Tobin, Arod, and Kelley. It was actually kind of nice. Alex had drifted off to the other group during the last few months, the veterans, but had chosen that afternoon to eat with them. Now Kelley wondered if it was just to ask her about Hope.

Arod took that moment to start snickering. Her roommate for the week had some insights the others might not have picked up on. Kelley tried to find her knee under the table with her foot. It only served to draw more attention to Arod who thought changing the tone of the subject was as good as changing the subject. Kelley would beg to differ.

"Maybe Solo finally had enough of Miss Googly Eyes over here. Kelley has been obsessed about her all week."

As if intentionally timed, Hope entered the room and Kelley shrunk in her seat. The whole table erupted with laughter. Stupid traitor face.

If Hope noticed she did not do it overtly. Kelley imagined hackles rising. Or maybe that was her own. The goalkeeper filled her plate and went directly to the exit. No eye contact at all. The points counter rolled back to zero. Bankrupt.

"Isn't anyone else curious?" They could see now she was truly upset. Everything always showed on her face.

"You have a nice heart, Kel. You aren't responsible to figure out other people's problems though." Tobin was a peacemaker. To a fault sometimes.

They didn't bring it up again.

***

"You get hyper when you have too much caffeine. Hyper-er." Tobin said through a mouthful of sticky bun. There was a post-camp blind spot for unhealthy treats that most considered fair game. Most meant everyone but Carli in this case. The fact they were stuck at the airport with nothing else to do for the next two hours besides buy overpriced snacks didn't hurt either.

"Sure do. I think I'm going to get another anyway. I'm cold." Kelley nibbled on the lid of her Starbucks cup. It was long empty. The last shuttle for the airport that night was early enough Kelley was in for a long wait. Fortunately she was traveling with Tobin so at least she wasn't alone.

Tobin grabbed her arm. "You're on tv, Kel!"

"Really?"

Sure enough, ESPN was playing a clip of Kelley's assassination attempt on another goalkeeper. She hadn't seen footage of the incident and didn't need to because she had first hand perspective, but it looked pretty bad on television. It zoomed in on Hope while she was talking to her young defender. Kelley remembered her words. Smile, the world was watching. Indeed it was.

The camera didn't reveal that bit of dialog. It just showed Hope appear to give her some instruction and then that smile. Hope looked good on camera. Mud and all.

The story breezed over the two goalkeepers who were out with injury and focused on Hope Solo's return to the national team. The fact they had a clip of Hope getting taken out by her own teammate added to the drama.

They ran another clip from after the game. A local reporter had tried to talk to Hope who was coming back from getting evaluated. They had caught her completely alone and were pressing her about her return.

"Talk to Coach Pia. I've got nothing to say." Hope appeared scared of the camera. Her body language screamed leave me alone.

"How have you been received? Any objections to you coming back?" The reporter was persistent. Hope wasn't even making eye contact at this point. Anyone with a heart would have seen she was close to breaking.

"Again, another question for Pia. No comment."

The camera stayed on long enough for Hope to appear to rudely blow off the reporter and escape through the parking lot toward the bus. The commentary afterwards wasn't very glowing, but the media was clearly enjoying something to report on instead of the national team's struggles of the last few years. Hope was a drama magnet just by existing.

"I'll be back." Kelley didn't even wait for Tobin to answer. She grabbed her wallet and took off in the direction of Starbucks.

She hadn't intended on taking a long walk. There was a Starbucks right near their seats. She needed to move around though. Like getting away from the television would help distance her from what she saw.

***

If you walked far enough in an airport eventually the restaurants and shops duplicated themselves. It was an eerie feeling knowing that every so many feet there would be another coffee shop, another magazine shop, another steak house. It also made it difficult to gage distance. Was this the third Starbucks she passed? It was probably time to turn back.

There were some people blocking the way in front of the Starbucks kiosk. Kelley looked for a path through to the counter and was surprised to see a now familiar face smiling as a camera flash went off. It was Hope's fake smile. Having seen both kinds was enough. The real one you didn't forget. There were a bunch of college age guys all in matching travel gear surrounding the goalkeeper. A traveling soccer team?

Kelley saw a look of complete desperation flashed over the Hope's face before the mask of a smile switched back on. "Kelley! What took you so long? I've been looking all over for you."

Hope grabbed Kelley's hand and pulled both of them through the crowd. Her carry-on made them look like a comical train and more than one person had to side step to get out of their way. Hope seemed to have tunnel vision.

She led them far enough away from the scene the mass of people moving through the airport covered their trail. She abruptly turned into some open seating and appeared to be looking for the least conspicuous place to sit.

A flight was leaving for Seattle soon. Or at least Kelley noted that from the television mounted on the ceiling nearby. It was one of those details you locked in on while trying not to pay that much attention the fact someone had a death grip on your hand. Hope seemed to notice what she was doing at the same moment and let go.

"Sorry," Hope said shyly. "For that. For everything. You can go if you want to. I just needed to get away. That's been happening since I got here." She crossed her arms protectively over herself.

"People are recognizing you?" She thought back to the ESPN clip. If that had been running all day then no wonder.

"It's not been like this since -" Hope trailed off. Her mood darkened instantly. The call for boarding began and Hope registered it with a sigh. "Thanks for the backup. I can take it from here." She looked down at her shoes like she expected Kelley to be gone by the time she looked up.

"Camp is over. No need to be stealthy anymore, huh?" Kelley poked at one of her crossed arms and tried to lighten the mood. That was her strength. "It's going to get a lot harder to get rid of me now."

They sat down at a less populated row of chairs against the wall while waiting for Hope's section to come up. Half a second later, "I left my coffee at Starbucks."

It would have been funny if Kelley hadn't noticed Hope blinking back tears. She could tell that this was literally the last straw for her.

She instinctively put her arm over Hope's shoulders and pulled her in to a half hug. Hope tugged one sleeve up and dabbed around her mascara with it. It was the quietest meltdown in the history of meltdowns. An old lady nearby offered a Kleenex which Kelley took after Hope tried to wave it off.

"What's the matter?" She held up the Kleenex again and finally Hope took it. "Was it those guys?" Hope shook her head. "Did something happen?"

"They won't ask me back. Not after this." She gestured to the television which was playing the weather. "It will be too much. Just a taste of what will happen if I'm in the Olympics. I've proved them right again."

"Then they're crazy! We need you." _I need you._

Hope looked at her like she was debating something. Or perhaps like she was dealing with an invalid. Whatever trust in the system Hope had was gone years ago. The worst case scenario had already happened before. Trying to imply sanity to the system at this point was a loss on her.

"Pia seems nice. You're nice." Hope took a deep, steadying breath. "I don't believe in happy endings though. Maybe if I had managed not to get on the news again things could be different. I have an image problem." She sighed. Occasionally Hope had this hundred yard stare Kelley couldn't begin to share. She was slipping into it right then. "I let myself forget that over the years. I thought if I did everything they wanted I could have my chance."

"Pia won't give up on you," Kelley said from experience. "She hasn't given up on me and look at my track record."

"Pia sees the same thing I do. You're good, Kelley. You should believe it too." The intensity of her words were too much. Kelley smiled down at her hands for a second, trying to discretely hide her face which seemed to be acting on its own initiative. If it was reflecting half the things she was feeling it would be dangerous. When she looked up Hope was staring at her.

"What?"

"Your face. Never change, okay?" Now it was Hope's turn to look away. The final call for boarding was announced. Hope grabbed her carry-on and stood up.

The relief to be on the move again was clear. Kelley stood as well. She'd see her off and then go find Tobin who was probably ready to send a search party for her.

Before she could say so much as goodbye Hope stepped forward into what must have been for her a rib crushing hug. "Good luck with the Olympics," the goalkeeper whispered. Kelley just had time to register how nice it felt. Then Hope pulled away and darted off to catch her plane. Not a glance was spared behind her.

***

The walk back to her own seat took longer than she thought. She still had forty-five minutes before her flight so she didn't hurry. When she finally got back to her seat Tobin was still texting Alex. The television was still on ESPN though the story was baseball this time. Kelley couldn't help but think a nice PED discovery would wipe clean the airways of the latest drama.

"What happened to coffee?" Tobin asked after Kelley had been settled in her seat a few minutes. She had completely forgotten about the coffee she planned to buy.

"I ran into Hope." It felt funny talking about it after a week of her being off limits. Tobin looked up from her phone. Curious now that the probation was lifted.

"How's she doing?" Tobin asked. Without guile in a way only Tobin could manage.

Kelley thought for a moment before she answered. "She'll be okay I think."

"She's good for us. I hope she comes back."

Truth bomb thrown, Tobin went back to texting.


	2. Any Port in a Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hope stood at the ticket counter at the airport. She had quickly packed for a few days even though she couldn't yet say where she'd sleep that night or even if she had enough money in the bank to stay long when she did. It was just enough to be on the move. It had grown stifling in Seattle." October 2007

Kelley stepped onto land with her surfboard under one arm and a grin plastered permanently on her face. It was a little rocky so she stepped carefully along the now familiar route back to the truck. She wasn't in a hurry. They had the whole weekend planned out.

Tobin was already almost to where there were towels and other necessities strewn around the truck bed. Kelley could hear her phone going off somewhere in that pile, but she wasn't going to make it there in time.

"What's the date?" Tobin called out as she got closer. Only Tobin would lose track of something basic like that. Kelley actually had to to think for a second herself. They were taking this time off thing seriously.

"Um, April sixth." She leaned her board up against the side of the truck and went straight for her phone. "Twenty-twelve," she added belatedly. Just in case Tobin had been time traveling recently. Cold fingers navigated to her messages. There was one from US Soccer.

"We have a tournament in four weeks," Tobin read out loud. "Sweden. Seven days on the ground. It's gonna be a cold one." Kelley felt a flutter that wasn't exactly nerves. If they had been playing a word association game she would have had an embarrassing answer at that moment.

"She's on the roster," Tobin supplied unprompted.

"Oh really?" Her unconcerned voice was set a pitch higher than she intended. She enjoyed being right. Her smile turned into a smirk which she shut down as soon as Tobin muttered "creeper" under her breath.

"Don't harsh me, Tobs." Unfortunately the rest of the email did that well enough. "You neglected to mention we're playing Brazil too. The Volvo Winners Cup. Marta," Kelley trailed off.

The defending World Champions. The scene of their last big embarrassment. Kelley would be defending against billion time player of the year Marta. That's when the flutter turned into a full blown ulcer.

"Doesn't she play with Hope on Tyresö now? Maybe Hope knows her weaknesses."

"She can turn me into a Marta stopper? You've taken in too much salt water, Tobin."

She'd pencil that in for plan B.

 

 

 

***

Hope Solo @hopesolo 1h  
"Do you know what my favorite part of the game is? The opportunity to play." Mike Singletary ;) #MycketTacksam

Kelley O'Hara @kohara19 5m  
@hopesolo See you soon!

Hope Solo @hopesolo 1m  
@kohara19 :)

 

 

 

***

Kirkland, WA  
October, 2007

_As a little kid, Hope spent a night alone on the bathroom tile. Feverish and scared, she felt the minutes tick by while slumped over the toilet or curled up and shivering on the floor. It felt like eternity there alone in her misery._

_Her mom was passed out drunk in her car. It wasn't unusual that she didn't even make it into the house for the night. Her brother? The less he saw her vulnerable the better. She'd crawl back into bed as the sun came up. Victorious over the night._

_This time it wasn't the flu that held her prone on the floor. This time there wasn't going to be a point where she could say she was sick, but in a few days she'd be better. She couldn't see to the next hour, forget the sunrise. There was just the scorching hot bath water and the cold tile. It was a desperate attempt at a purge for something without a cure._

_At some point there had been knocking on the front door. How long ago that was she couldn't be sure. It went away on its own. She pictured the police busting the door down. That was an easy image to conjure. They'd find her body in the bathroom._

_That morbid thought lingered longer than most thoughts did. Then it was gone. It was hard to hold onto anything for long. Thoughts would arrive unwanted and leave before they were resolved. The timeline of events from her birth onward was a mystery she tended carefully, but now every moment down to the least significant demanded equal importance. Which butterfly caused her world to collapse?_

_"Dammit." Her body hurt. That meant the bath again._

_She became dizzy when she tried to sit up. She couldn't remember the last time she ate anything. How long could you go without eating?_

_She found her phone on the floor nearby and turned it on. It had been a week? Two weeks? The numbers she read didn't make sense. There were a lot of messages syncing from her email. Many from her agent. Contacts at ESPN. Carli -_

_It was a strange timeline to scroll through. She didn't open them. Just reading the subject lines made her heart pound. There were people there she hadn't heard from in ages. Some ambulance chasers. Hate messages from perfect strangers who had somehow gotten her personal email._

_Some were less of a surprise. Her college coach. A few friends from Sweden. Adrian, Adrian, Adrian. When she got to the one from Abby she was surprised at how calm she was. That one was from just a few days ago. She left them all unread._

_The phone battery was almost out. She pillowed her head on one arm and watched it slowly die. The data would still be there. Either on the phone or on her computer. Even as she planned to delete them all in one sweeping action she knew she'd do no such thing. She was a connoisseur of the past. She knew deleting it wouldn't make it go away._

 

 

 

_***_

_Hope stood at the ticket counter at the airport. She had quickly packed for a few days even though she couldn't yet say where she'd sleep that night or even if she had enough money in the bank to stay long when she did. It was just enough to be on the move. It had grown stifling in Seattle._

_In some ways she was breaking up with everyone. Not just her on again off again arrangement with Adrian. One heartbeat at a time she was drawing away. It's just some had the sense to notice it more than others. Adrian had noticed._

_Maybe that's why he finally went all in. Their arrangement, what had worked for them for years, was all about spontaneity. Now he was talking about listing the house. About consolidating their lives. He was making future plans with her when they normally planned for the weekend. If that. It was as close to a proposal as she'd ever get from him. She said she'd think about it._

_An hour later she was tearing her house apart looking for her passport._

_Which brought her back to the airport. She was at her gate. She had one more thing left to do. She dialed and then held her breath as it rang._

 

 

 

_***_

_It had been a few years since Hope had breathed in air that cold. It cut into her lungs when she sucked it in too deeply. Shallow breathing was the way to go. Just enough air for the moment. Not a second more. It felt clean._

_A car pulled up and she saw it was her ride. She couldn't miss recognizing her own car even though it had been out of sight for longer than she had owned it. There was road slop on it from the snow and the plates were different, but it was still the same car underneath it all._

_She had been calm until this point. She was normally nervous traveling, but she had the clarity of a right decision moving her forward for the last twenty-four hours._

_The trunk popped open and she threw in her luggage. She opened the passenger door, still confident in her decision. It wasn't until she looked over to the driver that she had waves of shyness and panic hit her. This was really happening._

_"Your hair is dark," the woman said in the local accent._

_Lotta could spare only a brief appraisal before she had to tend to her driving. There were whistles as the airport attendants tried to get Lotta to move her car along now that her passenger was secure. Once they got out of that traffic snag the drive leveled off._

_"Thanks for picking me up." Hope's voice came out rough. She hadn't talked since that morning. Since calling Lotta right before boarding her plane. It was a brief, two minute conversation. The easy going Swede hadn't skipped a beat though and for that Hope would be eternally grateful._

_"Let me look at you, Hopi." Lotta exclaimed in a tone that seemed both mirthful and disapproving at the same time. A Lotta specialty Hope had been on that end of many times in the past. Hope kept her eyes on the road. One of them had to, she told herself. She didn't trust herself with more._

_Inspection over, Lotta drove on in silence. Her profile revealed nothing which was a trick as Lotta's face was rarely a mystery before._

_Shut off from that insight, Hope took in the details around her. The car interior that was so familiar. The scenery that seemed out of a dream. She had loved Sweden. It was one of her few happy memories. She hoped that she hadn't made a mistake._

_Her mind snapped back into the present when a warm hand found her cold one across the seat. Lotta didn't say anything until Hope turned her palm over and gripped it back. Thus claimed, Lotta slipped into her cheerful self again._

_"Camilla is away so you can stay in the spare room. She is in the south for the week. She'll be mad she isn't there to see you." Lotta spoke casually about the situation. She updated her on where mutual acquaintances were in life. What food her mother had planned for them that weekend. Somehow the few hours Hope had given them to prepare had been more than enough. She felt enveloped in warmth._

_"You are too skinny, Hope." Lotta continued on through her list. "Not for long. I will see to it. Oh, Blanka had her babies. Four of those. Four puppies. You'll have to stay through Sunday to see them."_

_So she'd be in Sweden at least through Sunday. That should give her enough time to plan the rest of her life. The next month in any case._


	3. Nobody Number One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The ball sailed up over the top of the staggered backline catching the Brazilian onsides. In seconds Kelley found herself a stride behind her target. It was a chase. She calculated the energy she'd need and went for it. Either she'd be successful or she'd look like every other fool Marta outplayed." May 2012

USA  
April, 2012

"Kelley!"

Her brother's increasingly desperate attempts to get her attention made her smile for a moment. It felt good to be a sister for a while. There wasn't enough yelling in her life. Hadn't she just thought that?

"In a minute! Geez..." The rest degraded into general grumbling. Jet lag related excuses had long expired. She was shamelessly hiding in a blanket fort as her brother got ready for work. It felt like the last days of summer break.

Since the league folded Kelley had been on a journey she called Mooching Across America. She hated wasting money on short term leases. Nowhere felt like home anymore anyway. Home was where she happened to be. Who she chose to be with. She lived out of her luggage, worked on her bucket list, went surfing when she could, and of course trained.

Kelley was staying with her brother and his roommates for the better part of two weeks. Her back was jacked up from sleeping on his beat up couch and there was zero privacy, but in a few days it would be over. The Sweden camp was looming on the calendar.

Her laptop was open under the blanket and cast a glow over the small nest. There was a series of work related emails that had come in at once. Flight information. Preliminary schedule. Roommate preferences.

"Hey you." She was quick to open that last one.

She had been waiting all morning for it to show up. She glanced at the list attached to it and her eyes paused on one name. Her stomach gave a ridiculous flutter.

"Kel, I need to get to work. At least tell me where your keys are and I'll move it myself." Her brother was in the living room with her. Riffling through her bags by the sounds of it. None too gentle either.

"I just need to-" She typed out three names. Her three choices. The same name all the way down. "-send one little -" She hit send. "-email." Almost immediately she wished she had that back. "Shit."

"Language!"

"Sorry." That resolution was long shot to hell. "I just made a big life choice. Don't mind me." She didn't have time to think further about what she had done. Her blanket fort lost its ceiling. Light streamed in and a face not that unlike her own dipped into view.

"Keys!"

 

***

Sweden  
May, 2012

Kelley found it mostly possible to forget the drama that seemed to follow her since qualifiers. She tried to at least. There were a few unavoidable exceptions of course.

She still got the occasional "Hey, SportsCenter!" called out to her. That was remnants of her role in The Hope Solo Media Spectacular. Hopefully that wouldn't stick as a nickname. Then there was the matter of the meeting.

"Abby wants you to stop by her room today." Alex was arranging her stuff in the bathroom of their hotel room. She traveled with a lot of extras, but Kelley couldn't complain. Half of it she'd likely borrow during the week. Being a light packer like Kelley often meant you were actually an expert moocher.

Kelley paused with her tshirt half pulled down over her head. Let's be honest here. Alex's tshirt. Some Nike prototype that said "Suck My Kicks". Sassy. Not likely to hit the store shelves anytime soon.

"What about?" That pounding in her chest wasn't a heart attack, right?

Her thoughts went straight to the email she sent earlier. When she was assigned Alex as a roommate she figured her moment of insanity had blown over unnoticed. Hope had decided to commute from home. A last second scratch. She had yet to see the goalkeeper.

Alex poked her head into the main room. She looked concerned. "You not feeling good? Your face is..." She made an exaggerated, pained face that was supposed to mimic Kelley's.

"I can't help how my face looks," Kelley laughed. "Stop doing that. I'll have nightmares." She had a feeling she'd be having nightmares anyway. "Did you get any sense what it's about?"

"Relax. My advice is to say yes to whatever she asks." Alex ducked back into the bathroom. Suspiciously like she was avoiding further questions. If she noticed Kelley had put her tshirt on backwards momentarily she didn't say anything.

Kelley belly flopped onto her bed. She had a few hours before the opening meeting. She could either go now or spend that time wondering what would happen. Since screaming into the pillow wasn't a solution she rolled off the bed and trudged out into the hallway.

She poked her head into one room after another trying to find Abby's. In front of one door she could hear Abby clearly. She gathered herself for a moment. If she entered to find anything that looked like an intervention she had a contingency plan. It mainly involved running.

"I'm dealing with Solo today." Kelley's ears perked up. She lingered in the doorway a moment. Abby was on the phone and hadn't yet noticed Kelley frozen in place within the doorframe. "No one wanted to room with her anyway. I heard she practically suggested commuting herself when she found that out." Before the information had sunk in she felt a presence behind her.

"Kelley?" Carli came up behind her on her way into the room.

She had a Starbucks in one hand and a book in the other. She was giving Kelley a judging look. As that was Carli's usual look Kelley couldn't be sure how long she had been watching. She could see the midfielder's eyes drift down.

"The tshirt's not mine," Kelley said almost as a challenge. She had a reason to be there and it wasn't Carli's business.

Carli merely shrugged. Kelley followed her into the room. Abby had gotten off the phone in the meanwhile and didn't look surprised to see her walk in.

"Hey, Kel. Come over here." Abby gestured from where she was laying on the bed. Her ankle was propped up and wrapped after some early treatment. If it didn't look like a death bed it was due to a technicality. Abby was having achilles problems no one was talking about.

Off to the side Carli was staring at them both uncomfortably as though something was about to happen. Was she out of the starting lineup? Her mind leapt from one scenario to the next.

"Geez, Kel. I need to ask you something and I'm not getting up."

Kelley crossed the room to stand by her bedside. Abby raised an eyebrow at her. It took a second for her to realize what she was looking at.

"It's not my shirt." This was starting off well.

"Alex said Solo gets along with you?" Abby sounded almost apologetic. As though what was coming next would be bad.

"You could say that," Kelley found herself protective of that information. "We've worked a lot together. She does her job and I'm part of her job I guess." That much she could concede. That much Hope would concede. The rest was none of Abby's business. Kelley had spent a month trying to figure the rest out and didn't even have an answer for herself yet.

"That's what I thought. When I saw Solo put you down as a roommate I figured it was one sided." She was watching Kelley's reactions closely. "She put you down three times in fact."

"Oh." Kelley didn't have to fake her surprise. She recalled what Abby had said on the phone. No one had put Hope down. Kelley had. Something was going on and for once it seemed like Abby was out of the loop.

"I thought this was going to be awkward, but Alex said you'd be up for it." Abby drew it out. The young forward's name sure was coming up a lot. "We need someone to keep an eye on Solo. You saw what happened when there were surprises. She won't talk to us. Maybe she'll talk to you. And you will talk to me."

Abby had a kind of cunning to her just then. In that moment Kelley knew exactly how far over her head she was. What had Alex told her?

"Sure. I can do that."

"Great. Because I don't want anymore surprises." The way Abby said it made Kelley think she was including her in that statement.

 

***

Pia was settling in with her guitar. She was tuning it by ear and the threat of Fleetwood Mac was on everyone's minds as a chord progression started to form. There was a laptop and projector setup that suggested film study. They were going straight to business. That suited Kelley just fine.

At the last possible minute Hope slipped into the room. She made no effort to interact with anyone. She went straight to a sofa at the back. If it were possible to have a localized weather pattern hers would have been a black cloud.

Hope glanced up when Kelley approached and quickly looked away. The younger woman plopped down next to her on the sofa anyway and purposefully nudged her knee with her own. Sweatpants against some kind of leather. Of course she'd be wearing leather. In this crowd she'd be in kevlar if it was fashionable enough.

"Save me a seat?" Pia had started to play a Gordon Lightfoot song that wasn't The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Hope stretched two booted feet out in front of her. One arm slung over over the backrest. It was a subconscious claiming of space. Which wasn't really necessary. There was a pretty good buffer of empty seats around her. She clearly wanted to be left alone though. Kelley felt about as welcome as a rash.

"About six of them it looks like." Hope Solo. Extra dry. From someone blackballed from the hotel it wasn't a surprise. Kelley was going to have to work to convince her otherwise and somehow do it without bringing Abby up.

"I need just the one." Kelley swung her shorter legs against the sofa. Hope was looking at her like she was a waiting for something. "What? The shirt isn't mine," she said preemptively. That got a slight smile. One point for Kelley.

"The view would be better over there, O'Hara." Hope tilted her head over to where Kelley came from. To where Tobin and the others were in various stages of awkward over the current song choice veering dangerously into ABBA territory. Kelley could tell Hope was showing her to the exit. Nicely. She didn't miss they were back to last names again either.

"Probably." She she kicked out her legs in a vague imitation of the goalkeeper and got comfortable.

Hope stared her down a second longer then appeared to resign herself to the situation. With a suit-yourself kind of shrug she focused back the front where the meeting was mercifully starting.

There were no big reveals like last time. Just Pia being Pia. The spotlight was on Marta and Brazil of course. Any time you got to play the World Champions you had to get excited.

They jumped right into film study which was the equivalent to a cold shower with their recent performances the last few years. Pia was narrating last year's World Cup semifinal. It was as quiet as a library besides the occasional involuntary groans from the gallery. It was grim footage.

Marta was carving up their defense. It was always hard to watch defensive mistakes, but it seemed even more painful since she joined the backline. The mistakes were more obvious to her. She felt second hand responsibility for every blunder.

Every time Kelley glanced over at Hope she saw the goalkeeper's frown deepening through the dimmed lights. When she was mad she did something amazing with her jawline. With that as a measure Kelley could only assume she was very very mad.

Kelley had seen the footage before. She had been there on the sidelines too. Powerless to change anything. It was more interesting to see Hope's take on it. Like forcing a friend to watch a favorite movie. In this case a horror movie. Had Hope watched any of it before? What had she been doing while everyone else was having the tournament of their lives? Sitting in front of her television in Sweden?

They finally reached the end. Most funerals had more smiles. Kelley saw herself milling about on the sidelines in her substitution bibs. Worst loss in American World Cup history. It was marked on all of their faces.

Hope shifted in her seat suddenly. Whatever invisible fuse that had been lit had simply reached its end. She half stood up as though her body had reacted before she knew exactly what she wanted to do. Some late thought made her look down at Kelley. Leaning in she whispered, "We need to talk. Parking lot." Then she was gone.

A few people shot looks back at them. The light from the door she had exited through momentarily interrupted the mesmerizing carnage on the screen. Abby was one of those people. The implications of the deal finally hit her. This was the first test.

The video session couldn't get over fast enough for her liking. When it finally finished she skipped all of the social niceties and took the first opportunity to leave.

Outside the hotel was every bit as cold as Kelley feared. She was wearing only a tshirt and sweats and it occurred to her Hope might have changed her mind and just left. She wasn't sure if it was exactly relief she felt when she easily spotted the goalkeeper leaning up against the side of a car.

"You okay?"

"I felt sick." The way Hope said it made it clear it wasn't in the traditional way. She had her phone clasped in one hand. The screen was still lit up. Kelley couldn't help but think of the mystery person that was always on the other line.

"So. Commuting, huh?"

Hope gave her a single shoulder shrug. "I live just across the city. It works out best for everyone this way." She made no mention of what Abby had revealed.

"If you think I’m not stealthy enough to get across the hallway I'm not sure how I'll manage a city." Kelley tried for a smile and got nothing.

"About that. What you've been doing, sitting with me tonight, everything from before-" The car keys shifted in her hands. "That was really nice of you. Thank you. I mean that." Hope made an effort to look her in the eyes but failed after a few seconds. "That being said, it's better for everyone if you stop. I'm not a good bet. I never was. I know which way things are leaning now. I'm not even sure I can do this much longer."

She said it in such a reasonable tone Kelley could tell she was expecting a certain response. The easy response. Perhaps this was entirely her idea too. It still wasn't going to fly.

"No."

The word hung in the air. Both of them seemed taken aback a moment.

"No?"

"No. I'm not going to stay away." Kelley, in flagrant disregard for her own life, took a step forward into Hope's space. She was glad her shivering masked the tremor in her voice. "I don't know who this 'everyone' is that I keep hearing about but it isn't you. It definitely isn't me. So no. You're not going to quit and I'm not going away."

"What's it going to take to run you off, kid?" Kelley had taken Hope further off script than she had anticipated. This part was less rehearsed.

"Ask Tobin. She hasn't figured it out either. I'll see you tomorrow morning." Kelley turned and walked towards the entrance. She didn't trust herself another second with this conversation. Hope didn't follow. She could hear a car door shutting. Engine coming to life.

She thought she had slipped back inside unnoticed, but a voice called out to her as she passed through the lobby.

"Kelley." Carli matched her stride. The older woman always came off as awkward and now wasn't an exception. Kelley reluctantly slowed to a stop.

"This is none of your business, Carli." The cold left over from outside was quickly burned away by her temper. She was more than tired of people being in her business. This was Carli's second offense.

"It's Hope's. I used to be her friend, you know. Back then." Back then always meant the scandal from two thousand seven. The equivalent of saying Voldemort out loud. "I screwed up the same way you are about to."

Kelley sighed. As much as she was curious about what happened back then, she couldn't imagine Carli being friends with someone like Hope. Carli was a serial pushover. Someone safely in the fold. She bit her tongue.

"What are you trying to say, Carli?" Kelley was reminded she knew what happened with Abby. She knew and she didn't approve.

"Hope may not want to have anything to do with me anymore. I don't blame her after what happened. But she might listen to something I could say about you. Don't screw this up for her. She's not your way in. Or your crush."

"Then you have nothing to worry about."

 

***

Back at her room Kelley was waiting up for Alex to return. The forward came in late and looked a little surprised to see Kelley sitting on the edge of her bed not dressed for bed and with a less than hospitable expression. At least that's what Kelley hoped she was projecting.

"What happened to my email?" Kelley gave no preamble.

Alex dropped a shopping bag near the foot of the bed. She had rushed in and looked eager to call it a night. Now she just looked a little bored. She removed her scarf and slowly folded it up.

"So you figured it out?" Kelley hadn't, but had the sense to keep her mouth shut for once that night. Alex didn't seem to care one way or another. "You can thank me later. I don't know what you were thinking but you were about to make a big mistake and I fixed it for you."

"Thank you? For what? Now I'm running errands for Abby. Hope-" Hope thinks she's not wanted. She wisely didn't mention Carli.

"You like her, right? I noticed from the start." Alex wasn't accusatory. If anything she looked pleased with herself. "I changed the list. You were being much too obvious. I told Abby I could get you to agree to keep an eye on her. You don't have to sneak around as much. Everyone gets what they want."

"We're not -" Kelley started. "I'm not sneaking around." Alex gave her a look that shut her up. They had known each other far too long.

"You were about to screw up. I couldn't let that happen to one of my friends. Besides, Abby owes us one now. You just need to do your part and take care of Solo." The declaration was accompanied a smile that made Kelley think she might have misjudged whose thumb she was actually under. "What happened tonight?"

"She was sick."

"Nothing bad I hope."

Kelley shrugged. "I wouldn't count her out."

 

***

The bus sat in front of the hotel burning fuel while waiting for the stragglers to arrive. Kelley was hunkered down in her accustomed seat in the middle back. The faint vibration of the bus relaxed her. They were preparing to head to the stadium. Today was Brazil. Marta. Make or break.

Kelley noted the hush that momentarily fell over the bus and glanced up. Hope was stalled at the top of the landing. Half committed to the open seat at the front and half searching the faces beyond. Or maybe she just liked being waved over every time. Kelley leaned into the aisle and did just that.

She could have sworn she was being trolled if it wasn't for the genuine look of relief that passed over Hope's face when they connected. There it was. Eye contact. The smallest of gestures. It was like throwing a life preserver out. Three days of this and she was feeling like the Hope Whisperer.

Hope made her way down the aisle and crawled over Kelley to the window seat she had held open for her. She was wearing a beanie, scarf, and coat. Any would fetch a high price on the bus that morning. Not many packed well for the finicky Swedish weather in May. The official team jackets did little to cut the cold. Hope did not mess around when it came to the weather. She also had coffee with her. That was the other thing she didn't mess around with.

People were getting used to her haunting the place. The ESPN thing had changed things. Outsiders were watching the situation. The higher ups weren't happy, but they couldn't get rid of her now that she was back without another news shitstorm. Shitstorm was the word Hope used in the one and only five second conversation they had about it. She used the word like she had it trademarked.

"Good morning," Hope whispered. She was a quiet, polite ghost.

"Is that a fur lined down feather parka?" Kelley scrunched in closer for warmth. "Humor me for a second." She didn't hide the fact she enjoyed getting into her space. It was like rehabilitating a feral cat. Ten points for Kelley.

Hope was about as snuggly as a plank that morning. Sometimes with her it was like picking up a random book and opening it to the middle. You never knew exactly what was going on. In fact, it was exactly like that.

Hope held out her cup. "Coffee?"

Kelley didn't have to be asked twice. It was still on the hot side and untouched. Special purchase? She made over it like it was the best gift ever. Which it was.

The bus started to move. Hope scrunched down in the seat and looked out the window at her city. Zoning out. Going to her happy place. Whichever. She was polite to people when they talked to her, but that was about it.

"You didn't show up last night." Last night some of them went out to dinner. Hope had provided a restaurant recommendation and then canceled at the last minute.

"I'm not here to make friends." It wasn't combative. Just matter-of-fact.

Kelley took another sip of coffee. The cup was from the same place every morning. Must be her normal spot or maybe just along the way to the hotel. It was way sweeter than she pictured Hope took it herself. She must have brought it just for her.

"We're friends." Kelley thought she had her.

"Doesn't count," Hope said dismissively. "I met you before."

"Before?"

"In the lobby. Remember?" The matter-of-factness was wavering.

Kelley remembered. They had seen each other in the lobby. She remembered the look in the meeting later that the confirmed Hope had put the two together. Beyond that moment of being caught hearing a private conversation it didn't mean anything. "That doesn't count."

Now the goalkeeper did seem put out. "Then I'll have my coffee back."

"Hold up." Her coffee hand shot out of reach. She was trying not to laugh which seemed to frustrate Hope even more. "You're going to have to explain this one to me."

It was becoming clear Hope had ventured further than she willing to go with this already. "You should know what I mean," Hope said finally and left it as that. The points tally rolled back to zero.

 

***

"Over!" Becky's warning came too late.

The ball sailed up over the top of the staggered backline catching the Brazilian onside. In seconds Kelley found herself a stride behind her target. It was a chase. She calculated the energy she'd need and went for it. Either she'd be successful or she'd look like every other fool Marta outplayed.

They had kept it even up until the fifty-third minute when Alex had slotted one in. Now in the eightieth minute Brazil was pressing. Kelley reached her as the forward was corralling the bouncing ball at her feet. Shoulder to shoulder she bodied Marta off just enough to disrupt the play. It was anyone's ball as it sped away across the turf.

A jersey pull here. Clipped ankle there. Somewhere in the midst of flailing arms and tangled legs the toe of Kelley's boot stuck fast and her stride broke. Then an elbow swung out and her face exploded with pain.

Kelley hit the turf hard. Pellets flew up into her face. Next to her Marta had spun out as well. She slid to a stop on her stomach. Fuck. Not good.

Marta had fallen partially on top of her. For some reason her first instinct was to shove her off so she did. She heard people approaching. Shouting. She flopped over onto her back and squinted at the painfully white Swedish sky. Not good at all.

So Marta was accounted for. The ball? Who knows where the ball ended up. She blinked to find people standing over her. Angry people. A foot came dangerously close to her head.

"Hey!" Kelley protested. The offending foot and the person it was attached to was shoved back. Suddenly there was a lot of airspace above her. Someone crouched down. A pair of concerned blue eyes looked her over.

"You okey?" Hope gave her the oven mitt version of a checkup. In a different scenario that might have been fun. At the moment breathing hurt. Her lip and jaw throbbed. Her legs were dead. Teeth were all where they needed to be though. That was a positive. Years of braces flashed before her eyes.

"Yeah," she said breathlessly. "I'm good."

It was hard to concentrate when Hope was zoned in on you. She would have probably said she was fine even if she had a limb missing just to get approval.

"You only have one setting, don't you?" Hope wasn't giving her a gold star, but she did seem amused in a perverse soccer kind of way. Kelley was building a reputation of being a tough defender. Being a smart defender not so much.

"If you mean I'm set to 'awesome' then you'd be correct."

That earned her an eyeroll. Hope was in a better mood again. Just being on the field put her in a better mood. She helped her up to her feet and then took off back to the goal. Marta was already walking it off herself. Kelley got an earful from the ref for an apparent dangerous challenge.

It wasn't hard to tune it out. Her jaw was killing her. She seemed to have gotten the worst of Marta's elbow. Marta watched from a short distance away. The Brazilian was smiling at her even as she was breathing heavy from the sprint.

The game started up again. Brazil was awarded a free kick from a dangerous spot. That's the cost of messing up as a defender. Or of a ref missing a thrown elbow. Hope motioned with her hands at those assembled in front of her to form a wall. Kelley wasn't spared.

"Left, O'Hara!" Hope was losing her voice from yelling O'Hara a million times a day all week. Sometimes she felt like she was leaching the life out of her friend. Hopefully that was not a literal leaching.

She scooted left and stood shoulder to shoulder with Arod. There was the reassuring nudge of her teammate's elbow on hers as they pushed closer together. They were in place. Marta lined up her kick.

They jumped. Impact imminent.

Over the wall and over the bar. Bodies and score sheet were spared. Kelley's mistake came at no cost and was erased from the collective memory. Hope was clapping. Momentarily happy at a result.

Kelley shifted gears again as the ball sailed over her head. Hope could kick the ball further than anyone was used to.

It went straight to Rapinoe and Kelley could see the blonde head dip down as she streaked along the far side. Kelley pushed forward as well. Back into the attacking half she was still more comfortable in. She'd replay every mistake in her head over and over later. At the moment it was all behind her.

 

***

Hope stayed over near the goal where she had piled her gear and water bottles behind the net. She was spraying water down her shirt despite it being Sweden in May. Her breath was fogging out like an irate dragon. How did she make impending pneumonia look so attractive?

"This is a warm spell. A month ago we'd be warming up our feet with hair dryers." Hope was always full of Swedish wisdom. She walked miles uphill in snow to the field every day. Both ways. And she liked it. She was very proud of Sweden and it was a guaranteed conversation.

"I'd be more impressed if this wasn't going to end with me following you around with a kleenex." In her short stint at defense Kelley had tied shoes. She'd even fixed a ponytail once. She was not going to be wiping noses.

The goalkeeper started to put her coat on and grimaced as her shoulder rotated around. She had made a number of critical saves in the draw and was favoring one side in particular.

If you spent enough time with other athletes you got used to each other's ailments. Hope kept things to herself. She didn't complain but she iced everything. Everything. So either she had an ice fetish like Carli did or literally everything was busted.

"How's your face?" Hope changed the subject. Kelley stood perfectly still as Hope reached over and tipped her chin up, angling her head one way and then the other. Her eyes seemed to focus on her lips which made Kelley want to duck her head away.

"What is it?" Kelley wiped at the corner of her mouth and the back of her hand came away with a little dried blood. It was still puffed up. Split lips were a pain in the ass, but it hardly warranted attention.

"Just thinking about botox." Hope said finally. "My first thought is no."

"Haha." Kelley conceded. "You did a funny. To change the subject from my face, where are you headed after this?"

"After this? Driving my car home with all this ice on. Find a way to get it off without flooding the bathroom. Third time is a charm. Walk the dog. Make dinner. Read a book."

"How about you do none of those things. A few of us are planning on going to a sauna that's attached to the hotel. Everyone's cool with you meeting up with us if you want.Tobin. Cheney. Pinoe..." She literally listed the nicest people on the team, but she could already sense Hope searching for an excuse. This wasn't the first invitation she lobbed in only to be smothered.

"I appreciate you asking. Again. It's just -"

"Come here." Kelley grabbed Hope's forearms and tugged until they were lined up face to, well, chin. "Hey, 'Fraidy-cat. It's a standing invitation." Hope shrugged out of Kelley's grip.She squatted down over her bag and started packing up.

"You could always come over to my place." Hope practically said it into her equipment bag.

"What was that?"

"I said -" Hope looked up finally and caught Kelley's grin and stopped short. "Kelley." It was only a mock warning. The corners of her mouth were slowly lifting, but Kelley had the distinct impression Hope kept a tally of these things.

"Okay. I'll come to your place."

"Good."

 

***

"Here we are." The car turned off of a main street and into a residential area full of midsized condominiums and a row of restaurants along the ground floor.

They parked and walked to an entrance that had a cozy old world feel to it. That was a nice way of saying they had to take the stairs. Kelley was half dead by the time she got to the fourth floor landing. Hope was looking at her in amusement.

"Your legs would be dead too if you had to chase Marta for ninety minutes." Kelley didn't even bother hiding she was feeling the burn. This was cruel. "Fourth floor? If I knew that I'd have stayed at the hotel."

"You spent most of the game on the ground, flopper. You should be well rested." Hope was in a good mood despite the draw. She shouldered off her gym bag and looked for her keys.

"I could say the same of you." That was less of a joke. Hope had pulled an acrobatic act trying to keep them in the game. She had been on the ground more often than not. The fact she wasn't acting sore surprised her. She had carried up a couple bags and was still wearing a fresh set of ice for the road and wasn't even breathing heavy.

There was a dog barking on the other side of the door even before Hope had her keys all of the way out out of her bag. She opened the door slowly while wedging her knee into the crack like this was a regular precaution.

"Watch your nose, dork," Hope directed down at the dog that was trying to wiggle through. "Sitta, Rollo." That was the magic word. Rollo retreated and Hope opened the door far enough Kelley could step in behind her. "Sorry, he's been cooped up all day. I should take him out for a while." She did look tired after contemplating that prospect. Perhaps she was human after all.

Kelley stepped out of the entryway into a cozy living room. Hope showed her where to leave her shoes and all the while Rollo wagged his tail from the spot Hope had told him to sit. He was a large dog, wire haired, with one ear stuck up in an undignified manner. Like he was permanently surprised. He acted like it was the hardest thing ever not to accidently wiggle his way across the floor to her, no fault of his own.

"I hope you like dogs," Hope said belatedly.

"Is he bilingual?"

Hope cocked her head at her. Like either she never considered it or maybe thought Kelley was the silliest human being she ever met. "He's just a dog, Kelley."

She dropped her bags at the entrance and ducked into the kitchen. The sound of kibble hitting bowl was enough to send the dog racing across the wood floor. She listened to Hope speaking softly to the dog in Swedish. Completely contradicting what she had just said. She was definitely the type of person who would skype her dog.

Kelley took the opportunity to look around the living room. It was furnished with older styles like Hope had acquired items haphazardly over a fifty year period. There were crocheted blankets thrown over the backs of everything. Stacks of books. Both English and Swedish. Pictures of kids on the wall that looked to be vintage nineteen-eighties.

If it wasn't for a case of water and a pile of soccer gear and running shoes near the front door Kelley could believe Hope had just broken into some older person's home for the evening. There was a dog bed that took up one entire corner. No television. It was...cozy.

"Probably not what you were expecting, right?" Hope had quietly reentered the room. Her coat was off but she was still wearing all of her ice. She seemed to be waiting for a comment.

"I was picturing Ikea to be honest." Kelley's eyes drifted around and stuck on the far wall. "A spoon collection?"

"Ah, my spoon collection." She took a deep breath. "The flat is owned by the family of a very good friend of mine. It's theirs for when they are in town a few times a year. In the meanwhile it's fifteen minutes from the training field and I've got a great deal on the rent."

There was long pause then. The kind that happens when two people realize they don't actually know each other that well. At least not well off the field. Kelley's stomach grumbling broke the stalemate.

"I need to get this off and then we can go eat." Hope plucked annoyingly at the bags of water and remaining ice saran wrapped to her. "It might be a second. There are some menus on the fridge. Sorry, I am not a cook."

She disappeared into a hallway but came back out a second later. "Let me know if Rollo bothers you. He's sweet, but he can be needy."

Kelley grabbed a few printouts off the fridge and took a seat on the sofa. Hope must have forgotten they were in Swedish. Only one seemed to have any English and it was for a curry place. Spicy food on her split lip was exactly what she didn't want. One looked more used than the others so she focused on deciphering it.

No sooner had she sat down the giant dog trotted over and demanded attention. She patted his head with one hand while flipping through the sheets of paper with the other. She wasn't actually a dog person, but this one was charmingly goofy. After a few minutes he had wormed himself halfway onto the couch with her. If he was ever a lap dog it had been in a past life.

From somewhere deeper in the apartment came a crash and a curse. Both she and the dog turned their head to the direction of the noise. Rollo pushed off the couch and went to investigate. Kelley followed a little slower.

"Incoming," Kelley poked her head into what turned out to be the bathroom. The dog had already pushed in and was licking water up off the floor like he was trying to get rid of evidence. "Oh boy."

Hope had managed to get one wrap partially off with help of some scissors but seemed at a loss of what to do next. She looked half inclined to saw the whole appendage off and be done with it.

"You've been doing this after practice everyday? Hand over the scissors." She held her hand out flat. Hope reluctantly relinquished the sharp object.

"Normally it's not this bad." She lifted her arm like a broken wing a few inches before lowering it. "I thought it might have just been ice numb but I can't lift it over my head. I can't hold the scissors. I can't get this shirt off."

"Here-" Kelley made her stand in the shower while she easily cut off all the plastic from both arms and the inside of her leg. The water and remaining ice was mostly contained to the drain and drenched her shirt but Hope acted like it was a vast improvement. "I also do pickle jars and kill spiders."

"Do the shirt." Hope held out her arm as far as it would go as though to prove a point. No doubt it would be wrenched around painfully if she tried any method of pulling her shirt over her head normally.

"Are you sure? It's Nike."

The look Hope gave her said she was not only sure she was also getting annoyed at her delaying tactics.

"I need to think about this." What she needed to do was not be hyperventilating. Did she normally breathe that loud? It was just a shirt. If Hope wasn't bothered by it why should she be?

"Right up the back," Hope said impatiently.

Kelley started to cut from the bottom up. The material was actually harder to cut than she anticipated. It was quality Nike stuff and the scissors were ancient. At the last second she realized she was about to hit her sports bra and readjusted.

Hope was staring at her in the mirror. Head tilted slightly downward but attention still on her every move. Kelley pushed back Hope's ponytail as she neared the neckline. Done.

Kelley took a step back to look at her handy work. The slit up the back only parted enough for her to see that Hope's tattoo was mostly hidden behind the remaining sports bra. She had put it in the exact spot no one would be able to read it.

She looked back up to see Hope was still watching her through the mirror. She hadn't moved a muscle. "Right. Um..." She reached for the shirt again to help her get it the rest of the way off and Hope raised an eyebrow. Her hand hovered mid motion then dropped. "I'll go get you a shirt. A towel and a shirt." Hope nodded. There was that jaw thing. She knew what that meant.

Kelley fled with Rollo right on her heels. The towel was easily found in the hall closet. She fumbled for the lightswitch in the bedroom. Rollo entered the room and trotted around like he wanted to show her the highlights. Pile of clothes here. Coffee cup there.

She took a quick scan of everything. There was a wardrobe instead of a closet. A nice queen sized bed. An iPad and various items that looked more Hope like than anything in the living room. The traditional pile of used gym clothes towering in the corner and a healthy collection of Nike shoe boxes along the wall.

In the wardrobe there was what she'd expect to find in the way of clothing. She grabbed a flannel button up. Taking up maybe a quarter of the space was a collection of jerseys. A few said Solo on the back. Unfamiliar sponsor logos and colors greeted her. Then it switched almost exclusively to one person. "Schelin," she read. The number eight flashed by as she flicked through them. There were at least ten of those.

Rollo stuck his head in and sniffed at one. His tail wagged. "What is it, Rollo?" The dog looked at her blankly. "You're not bilingual," she whispered to him. "I won't tell." She carefully replaced the door and retreated back into the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I feel so all alone  
> Here in this city I call my home  
> They say, "Hey, you're one of us"  
> Funny, I should feel so anonymous  
> But I'm drawn to you  
> And that still small voice is talking too  
> And that's the voice  
> That so seldom can get through
> 
> Nobody Number One ~ Over the Rhine


	4. Transparent and Glasslike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hope got perverse pleasure in surprising people. No one ever expected much out of her for some reason. She didn't have to work at proving people wrong. She just had to be herself and it happened naturally." Summer 2010

There was something about the stash of jerseys that made Kelley feel more alone and out of place than being in a foreign country had ever managed. It had been easy to ignore inconvenient information. Then she had to go open that closet.

Her eyes caught on the photos hanging from the walls of the narrow hallway as she passed. In the dim light she could see little blonde girls with soccer balls. A fifties era photo of a young man in front of a car. Her eyes kept looking for clues even as she didn't want answers.

Kelley wasn't the only one lacking boundaries. Rollo pushed past her as she reached the half closed bathroom door and familiarly nosed his way through. She followed close behind. Glad to put it all behind her and get on with the evening.

"I went with alternative lifestyle flannel since apparently you are into that." Kelley looked over from the shirt she was holding out to see Hope was where she left her. Facing the mirror with her back to the door. She had managed to take the cut up, wet Nike shirt off on her own. "It buttons up so-"

She was so used to ignoring scantily clad teammates she almost looked right through Hope at first. It was more of the way she was standing that caught her attention.

"Christ, Hope."

There was bruising everywhere. Short stripes over her upper arms and shoulders. Splotches across her shoulder blades. She had seen cleat marks before of course. All kinds of bruises. None quite so deliberate and orderly.

"I'm fine. Just help me with the shirt."

Kelley didn't expect her voice to be so soft. If she was used to seeing her make herself look big in goal Hope seemed equally capable of the opposite. It was all in the shoulders. The slope of her back. Take some of that cockyness away and she wasn't the same person. Even from the back she had presented a different aura.

"Hope. You're not fine." The calm voice that came out didn't sound like her own. She took a step closer. Hope didn't move away.

She examined the bruises with the eye of an athlete. They were deep. Whoever did this hadn't gone easy on her. Her hand reached out sympathetically to touch the edge of one particularly bad area. Hope flinched.

"Sorry that hurt." She was quick to remove her hand.

"You couldn't hurt me." It sounded like a point of pride and a signal to continue all in one.

Kelley resumed her inspection. She traced the pattern with her fingertips. Giving shape to what no doubt was hard for Hope to see for herself. She patiently endured the attention. The tension slowly left her shoulders.  
  
"You had this done to yourself?"

"They said I should start treatment sooner rather than later so I didn't wait for a better time." She sounded almost relieved to be talking about it with someone. "That might have been a mistake."

She went on to described the Graston technique to stimulate healing in her old shoulder injury. Breaking up old scar tissue. Damaging the area around it with the hopes some old wounds would be healed along with the fresh injury. "There was a lot of scar tissue apparently."

"Pia knows?" Kelley kept prodding with questions. There was something Hope was circling around. She hadn't gotten to what she really wanted to say.

"She knows about the shoulder. That was part of the deal." Hope managed a half smile that faded quickly. "She isn't a big fan of alternative medicine so I'm not going to bore her with this."

There really wasn't much else to say. She'd give her a hug if she knew where it wouldn't hurt. Come to think of it she had already tried that earlier today on the bus. No wonder Hope had been prickly. Waiting around until the locker room was clear. Last in the showers. General aloofness. They'd go through the roof if they saw this. She had done everything she could to keep it hidden.

Kelley helped her put the fresh shirt on. Something was still on Hope's mind. She didn't even looked too pissed off when Kelley, with a straight face, buttoned it all the way to the top. As soon as Kelley's hands were out of the way Hope undid two with her good hand. She let out a huff and eyeroll that lacked any real malice. A small picture of their teamwork.

"Abby knows about the shoulder part." Hope slipped past Kelley to the door to leave, escape, whatever you'd call it. Not before lingering a moment longer. "Pia and Abby. Now you know it all."

Kelley remembered Abby coming by Hope's room to look in on her. Abby's arrangement for her to check in on Hope. Maybe it was more than just media surprises Abby was referring too. Maybe they should know how bad Hope was feeling. She'd let her arm fall off before telling Abby anything. Pia too maybe from the sound of it.

"See anything you like," Hope called out from the living room.

"Yeah," Kelley worked her jaw a moment. The first two things she thought weren't appropriate. With the gap in the conversation lengthening she went with the only thing that came to mind.

"How about the curry?"

 

 

 

***

DM Kelley O'Hara @kohara19 5m  
@tobinheath So.

DM Tobin Heath @tobinheath 2m  
@kohara19 That wasn't the codeword was it? Should we come get you?

DM Kelley O'Hara @kohara19 1m  
@tobinheath I'm an idiot.

DM Tobin Heath @tobinheath 30s  
@kohara19 Wait. Is that the codeword? #confused

 

 

 

***

Sweden  
2010

_The back of the stadium bleachers were empty. Most of the fans were clustered closer to the field. They didn't have a lot of fans, but the ones they did came out to every game. Hope knew many of their faces if not their names. She signed a couple autographs on her way to her seat._

_She tried watching the game from the bench during the first half but barely made it back down the tunnel before throwing up. It would be embarrassing had she not been doing that in all the classy places the last few weeks. Now it was just annoying._

_Truthfully her appearance couldn't have been very reassuring for her team. Her arm was propped up at an angle in a brace and it made her off balance. Clumsy. She could hardly keep food down because of the medicine and after a few weeks of that she had dropped ten pounds. Ten pounds she didn't have to drop._

_She caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Someone had joined her on that last row and at first she thought it was another autograph seeker. There was something familiar about that shock of gray hair. Her guard immediately went up._

_The woman was wearing jeans and a tshirt and some credential badges that meant she had the run of the place. Her demeanor was as casual as her clothing though. It was a strange combination._

_"How do you think the match is going," the woman asked._

_The newcomer spoke English with a Swedish accent. If they thought you were American they'd just skip straight to English. It usually annoyed her and this time was no exception._

_"I think we need to make a defensive substitution." Hope said in near perfect Swedish. It helped she had her football vocabulary down. That would get her attention, she thought. "They're exploiting our flank. We're being aggressive offensively, but three in the back only works if it works. It hasn't been working."_

_Hope got perverse pleasure in surprising people. No one ever expected much out of her for some reason. She didn't have to work at proving people wrong. She just had to be herself and it happened naturally._

_"That's one way of looking at it." The woman switched to Swedish too. Her interest was clearly piqued. She leaned forward. Elbows on knees._

_The game was opening up and for exactly the reason Hope stated. She was relieved when the substitution was finally made. The young defender trotted out onto the pitch. Supreme confidence. That was one of the things Hope liked about her. She genuinely liked her the most out of all of her defenders. None of it had to be forced._

_"We'll see then," the woman said. She wasn't swayed one way or another. She just seemed to enjoy seeing it play out. They watched for a time. Things looked to be going as planned._

_Sure enough though, five minutes later the keeper was beat by an unfortunate cock up that occurred during a single moment of disorganization._

_It was the first blatant error of the night but it cost them. The goalkeeper on the field looked deflated. The one off the field tried her hardest to blank her face but if it was anything like normal her face was like an open book._

_"Football. Brilliant, isn't it?" Hope played with the strap on her sling. She was tense. Her shoulder ached worse than ever._

_"We'll, I've seen enough," the woman stood up and began to head to the stairs that lead down._

_"Not staying? The game's not over yet." Hope had liked the brief company. She wasn't too talkative either which suited her fine._

_"I was here to see you. I have. Get well, Hope."_

_Pia Sundhage gave her a wave and a smile and then struck off back down to the field. A security person let her head over to some VIP seating not too far from where Hope had been earlier._

_Hope stared down there for a while. Her heart was racing. She tried to catch up with the game, but her thoughts wandered aimlessly._

 

 

***

 

Dinner was an amicable affair with conversation mostly revolving around mundane topics interrupted only to complement themselves for having such good taste in food. Athletes were experts at least two things: Consuming calories and burning them off.

After dinner Hope iced up again. It was less extensive than before. Just a regular ice pack right on her shoulder. They didn't say another word about what happened in the bathroom.

They both crashed on the couch. Backs to opposing arms rests with their legs stretched out between them. A crocheted blanket pulled off the back of the couch worked as a cover. It felt almost like college again. So physically exhausted that talking was all they could manage.

Hope liked to talk when it was one on one. She liked talking shop the most and she had kept her word so far in working extra hard with Kelley. Tonight she didn't let up.

Kelley had relived that horrible tussle with Marta at least ten times before the goalkeeper was satisfied. Despite the criticism Kelley did feel a little better knowing what she had done wrong. Not from the coaches but from Hope.

"Sorry I unloaded on you earlier. I'm probably getting you in trouble just being around me." Hope looked at her expectantly. She had alluded to this idea before. The occasional worry that Kelley was risking life and limb for being seen anywhere near her. Kelley had quickly brushed it aside every time.

"It's free time. I can do what I want," she fiddled with her ponytail. Hope looked less convinced than usual.

It was getting harder to talk around it. Practices were one thing. Tonight was harder to explain. She wasn't about to tell her what Abby had arranged. Even if she had no intention of holding up her end of it. Now it seemed too late to come clean. Three more days of this and then she'd have time to figure out how to get out of the whole thing. It could wait.

The vibrating phone somewhere in the blankets finally caught Hope's attention. It had been going off all evening and Hope had done a pretty decent job of ignoring it until then.

"Marta says sorry about the elbow." Hope typed something back in and almost immediately got a reply. "I meant she says sorry about your face hitting her elbow. Bad translation. I thought the other didn't sound right."

"You're texting Marta?"

"Yes." Hope looked up from her phone. Her face completely serious for a second before she cracked. "I'm just kidding. She really felt bad about doing that though." Kelley felt Hope's knee knock against hers under the blanket. She did stuff like that from time to time. Like she was touching base.

Hope's phone went off again. If it wasn't Marta is was the other person. Kelley inwardly groaned. She was beginning to resent whoever that person was.

"Tell 'Marta' my orthodontist has direct deposit." She punctuated "Marta" with stretching her foot out in the phone's direction. A substitute for Marta. Maybe for whoever was really on the other end.

She was a little too good at kicking. Her halfhearted jab probably would have sent the phone flying if it connected. Instead Hope grabbed her socked foot as it swung by and then held on.

It wasn't the brightest move to do on a goalkeeper. This particular one had an opportunistic gleam in her eye. She kept a solid grip on her foot even as Kelley tested her hold with an experimental tug. She wasn't going to free herself using direct means. They were at a stalemate.

"Cramp!" Kelley protested. She knew better than to do any kind of physical counter attack, but she wasn't beyond using guilt. She felt the grip loosen slightly as Hope hesitated.

"Where?" Hope had seen her hobbling up the stairs earlier. It wasn't an entirely outlandish claim.

"The general foot area." Kelley vaguely waved in the direction of her leg. "All of it. Cramp. I'm serious!"

Hope seemed to be trying not to smile, but she couldn't stop the dimples from starting to form. She had her in a compromising position and was about to call her bluff.

"Right here then?" Hope shifted her grip slightly.

It was like electricity went right up her leg. Kelley didn't realize how bad her foot had felt until it didn't hurt for a moment. Hope pressed down on the bottom of the sole again to the same response. Then she loosened her grip.

"How's the cramp?" It seemed like her way of asking for permission to continue. Kelley answered the unspoken question with a nod.

They were quiet again for a spell. A goalkeeper's focus was like no other. When applied here if she actually had a cramp it would have been long gone. Hope was only continuing now because she wanted to.

Kelley noticed that if Hope was sometimes awkward with words she compensated for it with these small gestures now and then. This time it wasn't just an extra cup of coffee to share though. It felt different. Maybe what happened earlier had rattled them both more than she first thought. It was an artificial connection but a connection all the same. The loneliness from earlier was gone.

She leaned back against the armrest and watched her through heavy lidded eyes. She had nice hands for a goalkeeper. It was a stray thought among many others. A dangerous thought. She tried to get her mind back on track. It wouldn't be long before she'd need to go back to the hotel. Back to her real life.

"You played on the Red Stars, right?" Hope abruptly introduced a topic.

"No, the other team that folded," Kelley corrected. It was hard to think while Hope seemed solely focus on working out an imaginary cramp. She recalled the timeline of disappointment. "Athletica folded. In the middle of the season. I got picked up by Boston. Then the World Cup happened. After that the league folded."

She wasn't sure where this was going. Hope had shown zero interest in the domestic league until then. All of this could be found on wikipedia anyway. Hope kept asking calculated questions. Who her coaches had been. What international players she played with. It was almost like an interrogation.

"Why didn't you come back home to play?" Kelley had been wondering that for a while. She may not get another chance to ask.

"Come back home?" Hope had moved on to her ankle. Her hands stopped their motion for a moment while she thought. "No one asked I suppose. By then it wasn't home anymore." Hope shrugged. She could have stopped there, but she forged ahead. "After everything happened they took me in. No questions asked. How could I just leave?"

"Money," Kelley thought back to magicjack. "There was a lot of money in the league for some people."

"When I came here I wasn't the same goalkeeper. I was in the worst physical shape of my life. I had no confidence." She tried to make light of it, but her mood remained dark. Kelley could tell she had touched a nerve.

"They took a risk with me anyway. In return I found I had everything I needed right where I was. I could make some decent money playing soccer. Be a part of a team again. They didn't care what the national team thought of me. What the media thought. I was just Hope. That was enough."

"Turned out to be the right choice," Kelley said. There always seemed to be an element of fate to an athlete's career. Fate. Karma. Cause and effect. Jesus Christ, if you were into that. There was an architect at work in an athlete's career. You never got a good look at the construction until you got a certain distance from it. Hope's was built to weather storms.

"You should play here." Hope said suddenly. She talked about the schedule. Housing allowances. Gave the names of a few people she should meet with before she left. Hope had a way of making you think you could do the impossible. From defending against Marta or moving across the world. "Think about it and let me know."

 

 

 

***

Sweden  
2008

_It was god-awful early. Hope didn't need to look at the clock to know that. Her body was exhausted even as her mind was wide awake. Nothing would work in the end. It never did. After weeks of this she knew she was up for the day._

_Hope envied Lotta's ability to sleep through just about anything. Just before the alarm would go off all five foot ten inches of her would shift over to the warmest part of the bed. A spot which Hope occupied more often than not lately. Then the alarm would sound and the striker would be off. Darkness may rule Sweden's long winter months, but nothing stopped the progress of soccer._

_Even on her winter break Lotta kept a strict routine. She wasn't the same gangly, distracted tagalong Hope had known years ago. She had an entire country depending on her to be her best with the Olympics just a few months away. Their trajectory couldn't have been any different._

_Hope had nowhere to be. Literally. Her vacation had extended past the turning of the calendar. Long past the week she had packed for. Somewhere off in the periphery were events that would eventually catch up to her. Like her visa situation. Like the fact she'd eventually run out of money. She tried picturing herself at a job interview. She couldn't even picture the occupation._

_She stared up at the ceiling, memorizing the feeling of the body pressed against hers. The pocket of warmth they made in contrast to the sound of snow blowing against the window. Sometimes she wondered how she ended up in that moment of time. How lucky she was to be there. Happy. And then she'd remember the rest of the details._

_Her friend stirred. She began a slow, methodical stretch that when finished left Hope partially pinned against the mattress. She said something in Swedish. Hope was learning more words, but it was sleep slurred. Lotta tried again. In English this time. "Good morning, beautiful. Did you sleep well?"_

_"A little better." It was her usual answer to the usual question. They both knew not much had changed or would change as this holding pattern in her life continued. That didn't stop Lotta from making an effort. She remained confident in Hope. The looks she hated so much in Seattle were absent here._

_"We will try something new tonight. I have ideas." She demonstrated a different kind of idea. One Hope was pretty sure they didn't have time for. "A little better?"_

_"Mm," Hope affirmed. "Leave a mark and I'll kick your ass."_

_"Don't question my methods." She didn't need the lights on to know that cute, self satisfied smile would have flashed for a moment. Lotta knew exactly what she was doing._

_They played around for a few minutes. Lotta was fun. She was almost always happy. She had a direct way of speaking and behaving. She left very little to interpretation. For someone like Hope who always had trouble reading people it was a relief. She was direct in a lot of things._

_The lamp on the night stand turned on. The alarm had gone off some time ago. Lotta sat back down across her hips. Hope could easily shift her had she wanted to. She chose not to. Instead she stretched her arms back over the pillow and relaxed. She felt tingly and nice and sleep seemed almost possible._

_Lotta started to fiddled with hemline of her shirt. This was her "do you want to talk" behavior. Hope didn't. So she changed the subject._

_"It's nice they're letting you have the day off."_

_"I'll just tell them what held me up." Lotta climbed off suddenly. "I'm sure they'll understand once they hear the details."_

_Hope watched her disappear into the shower and then come back ten minutes later to put on her gym clothes. Her equipment bag was already packed by the door._

_The whole time Hope was willing herself to get up. She had been invited to come to the informal winter practices but that had been weeks ago. Every morning she felt like she was working her way to this point. Every morning she failed._

_Today she didn't. The cold floor touched her bare feet and she must have reacted badly to it because Lotta stopped what she was doing to watch._

_She had no workout clothes of her own with her so she'd have to borrow Lotta's for the day. She had lost enough muscle they'd likely fit well enough for now._

_"Hurry up," was all Lotta said. As though Hope being out of bed before noon was a normal occurrence. Hope wasn't going to get a pat on the head for doing the bare minimum her look also said._

_She finished getting herself put together. It was as good as it was going to get. She waited out in the stairwell while her friend locked up. Lotta turned and looked her over with a critical eye. She was so unfit. Training was going to kill her._

_"Just like old times," Lotta finally said. She flung her arms around her into a crushing hug. Months of pent up emotions came out at once. They were grinning by the time they hit the half light outside._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgive  
> I pretend  
> Not to smile  
> 'Cause I am  
> Stronger than you
> 
> Transparent and Glasslike ~ Carpark North


	5. All I Need Is Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just need to be out of the way for a couple hours," Hope said. Her voice had dropped off at the end. It had been damned near quiet enough to begin with. Kelley made up her mind.
> 
> "Be out of the way here."

USA  
March, 2012

_No one noticed the woman leaning against the wall near the elevator. Instead everyone was looking for the faces of friends and rivals. Lost in their own little reunions and battles as they gathered in the conference room for the first meeting of camp. There wouldn't be many moments like this for her in the coming days. Soon everyone would know who she was._

_"Reba!"_

_Hope stood very still as two players walked past where she was standing. A tall blonde woman stopped in the far doorway and looked towards the sound. The two younger players caught up to her and they entered together. The hallway was momentarily quiet again. Hope let out the breath she was holding. This waiting around was like scratching a band-aid. She'd rather just rip it right off._

_So far there were a lot of new faces. Young faces. Had she ever looked that young she wondered? She must have at one point. Back before her shoulder had turned into a throbbing countdown to retirement. It twinged as if on cue. Somewhere deep where no amount of post-op therapy could ever reach._

_Travel days were always the worst. She didn't use a one to ten scale to rate pain, but she had many other landmarks guiding the way. As long as it stayed in a certain range of what she considered her "normal" she would manage._

_Athletes had their own kind of vanity. Saying you were one-hundred percent was a lie. At best you started your career at ninety-nine percent. When you reached age thirty your top number was likely closer to eighty-five. Eventually you just lost track of what good felt like and started fudging the numbers._

_Her travel day was spent doing more than just hyper analyzing her shoulder. A portion of the documents she received included the camp roster. Useless player bios she could have looked up on the internet. A run through of the mediocre Algarve result. Notes from the goalkeeper coach that would only be interesting if the goalkeeper coach knew his shit. Verdict still out on that._

_She lingered the longest on the roster. There were less of the old guard left than she had pictured. Nature had taken its course. Boxx was still the only real defensive mid she noted. Sauerbrunn and LePeilbet had come along after her. Klingenberg was listed as a defender but had spent most of her time in the midfield. She hoped for her own sake they went by their first names._

_Her thumb traced a pattern over the darkened screen of her phone. A nervous habit while her attention was still directed outward. Her phone was like a security blanket. She had turned it off for the meeting, but out of habit she flicked it on to check Twitter. Instagram._

_Time zone difference meant no one in Sweden was awake to wish her luck. At least not in real time. They had all done that in their own ways earlier. She flipped through the messages. The club had put her national team call up proudly on their twitter feed as they would any other player with such honors. It almost felt like being a rookie again._

_She peeled away from the wall and adjusted the loop of her scarf that had slipped. A chink in the armor. It was almost showtime. She always had nerves before a game. This was something else entirely. At least at a game your teammates had your back. It had been a while since she felt quite this alone._

_As she put her phone away it rang. Adrian._

_***_

_**  
**_ _The crackling on the line forced her to take the conversation to the lobby. Changing venue had cleaned up the line a little, but unfortunately not the tone. She couldn't miss the edge to Adrian's voice._

_"They called you two weeks ago and then here you are? Off the plane and in the US ready to play? That must have been one hell of a phone call."_

_"This is why I wasn't going to say anything until - "_

_"Until we saw you on tv? Jesus Christ, Hope. The game is on ESPN!"_

_She tried to think of the last time they talked. If she'd been an asshole and needed to apologize. The familiar flair of temper replaced doubt. So much for Swedish zen._

_"Did you stop to think if the rest of us were up for round two?" He continued. "You know your mother called me - not to piss you off believe it or not - but because she isn't up for it. Neither am I."_

_"Saying it dramatically doesn't make it dramatic," she said evenly. He always could push back. That's why she liked him. At one point anyway. It wasn't fun like it used to be. All of his blows were landing for one thing._

_Maybe that's why it felt like a godsend when the conversation was interrupted by a young woman who shot through the revolving doors and entered the lobby. Her luggage clattered loudly behind her as she passed by Hope to the front desk. Effectively rendering Adrian inaudible and snapping Hope back into the here-and-now._

_She was cute in a coed way. The college sweatshirt and top knot look was more of a welcome back to America than the yellow taxi ride and skyline had been. Then the logos on the luggage came into view and Hope brushed those thoughts aside. Her guard went up._

_The mystery player looked around the room and took Hope in with one uncomprehending glance before focusing on the large clock on the wall. Hope's tension eased slightly. She seemed to have gone unrecognized for now which was just as well. Pia was to introduce her at the meeting. Any interaction prior to that had been discouraged._

_Hope turned her back to the distraction and gave the bickering her full attention. It used to be like muscle memory, but for the past couple of phone calls she had sensed a finality to their arguments. Like after years of false endings any one of these might be the official one._

_"It's just a trial period," she said. "For all I know nothing will come of it. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it until it really was a big deal. Besides, they are on trial as much as I am." That last part was a lie, but he was kind enough to let it stand without comment._

_The truth was they'd always be the only game in town for her. She hadn't even been in the goalkeeper pool again until they decided she suddenly was. It had taken three major injuries and a publicly exposed defense at Algarve before her name had been called. She doubted it had been a popular decision even after that._

_She turned and saw the late arrival was looking her way again. There wasn't a hint of recognition there she decided. Just nervous energy that seemed to be directed at anyone and everything including her. Mostly her at that moment though. She tried to put a name to that face but nothing came to her. She was simply too young and unimportant to have come up she figured. Their eyes locked and the younger woman blinked and turned away quickly. Hope smiled into the phone for no particular reason._

_Maybe she was worried about nothing. She had never considered it might be easy to come back. It was a long time ago and so many players were new. It would be nice if she could just walk up to her right now and say, "I'm Hope. The new goalkeeper. Nice to meet you."_

_"...and I want it to work out. I really do. I still worry about you. I don't know why since you clearly don't want it."_

_She and Adrian hadn't been particularly close these last few years. The shared experience from a moment immortalize in history had kept everyone involved together longer than was natural. It was why she couldn't be mad her mother had called him. Or even Adrian's attitude now. They were all connected._

_"I need to go in now. You called right when I was about to-"_

_"I can't drop everything and help if this goes bad. Not like before. Just tell me you at least have someone there with you."_

_There it was. The reason he had called in the first place. Not to argue, but to make sure he wouldn't leave a void when he left for good._

_It should have annoyed her that he still carried privileged information. That he would always know things about her, what she needed, what she was afraid of, no matter what they meant to each other in the future. Still, there were worst moments in time to be stuck in and worst people than Adrian to be stuck with she decided. If this was their last hurrah then she'd try to end it on a positive note._

_"I'll be fine. It's just a week. What can happen in a week?"_

**  
** ***

Sweden  
May, 2012

The car was running with the heater blowing warm air in her face. Her split lip tasted coppery. On the radio The Black Eyed Peas were mid song. There was no escaping them. Kelley opened her eyes as her shoulder was given a gentle shake.

"You put in some work today, didn't you?"

They were parked just past the entrance to the hotel. Hope sat in the driver's seat. Her back was turned slightly as she leaned forward over the steering wheel. She let go of Kelley's shoulder and retreated back into her own space.

"Flattery works on me so keep it up." Kelley yawned into the back of one hand and gave herself a moment to wake up. She could have sworn she had rested her eyes just for moment. "So much for me keeping you alert."

"I shouldn't have kept you out this late. We lost track of time."

It hadn't been that late. The storefronts had been lit up still when they left Hope's flat. People still on the sidewalks. She had stared out the window for a while as they drove. The scenery blurring by as the radio played a mix of Swedish and American pop songs. She tried to picture what it would be like to live there. For this to all look normal to her.

Kelley reached over to unbuckle her seatbelt and winced as her neck tightened up. "Recovery tomorrow is going to kick my ass," she predicted. "You scheduled for anything?"

"I've got early field time," Hope thought out loud. "Then I finish up back here with the trainers. Home for a late lunch. Back here again for the evening meeting. I don't know if I'm coming or going most of the time to be honest."

"It's ridiculous you're commuting."

"You think so too? Sometimes I wonder if people do. About any of it." Hope sighed at that train of thought. She was looking at Kelley as though for an answer. Hope with her guard down was a new and scary thing. Kelley wasn't sure how to respond. What would be welcome.

"You should stay tonight."

A moment passed. Hope was deciding how serious she was. Not very seemed to be her conclusion. She laughed. "Where would you put me? I've seen you think on your feet before."

"You'll have to come up and find out." There had been something daring in Hope's look and Kelley had responded in kind. It landed like a bucket of cold water.

Hope frowned. She shifted back into the driving position. Hands sliding along the rim of the wheel as she stared out the front window and into the night. "Come up and find out," Hope repeated back to herself. "I'm sure your roommate would love that."

"I don't care. It's still ridiculous."

"I'll lower the window on the way back," Hope finally said. "Old trick of mine. Now out of the car. Before I do something stupid."

***

DM Kelley O'Hara @kohara19 30m  
Home? #wellnesscheck

DM Hope Solo @hopesolo 25m  
Just got in the door.

DM Kelley O'Hara @kohara19 24m  
Goodnight!

DM Kelley O'Hara @kohara19 1m  
We should be roommates next time. :)

DM Hope Solo @hopesolo 20sec  
Okay

***

Abby hadn't said much when Kelley stopped by to make her accustomed check in the next morning. That should have been the initial warning sign had she been paying attention. Instead she was in a hurry to make the last rush to breakfast and sped through her scripted small talk that was supposed to fill the bulk of the meeting. She got up to leave and -

"Anything else?"

Kelley froze. This was the first time Abby had not accepted what she said outright. The captain was still in bed. Ankle set in the brace Kelley had seen her in every morning since this began. Skipping that cup of coffee seemed like a very bad idea now. She needed to be sharp.

Even flat on her back with her foot on pillows Abby could still send Kelley into a cold sweat with a couple of words. If the display of weakness was meant to put her at ease it didn't in the slightest. No more than a lion in a trap.

"How was last night by the way? She kept you out late."

"Girl talk wasn't part of the package," Kelley answered. She was mad and just like on the field she felt control starting to slip under pressure. Spending hassle free time with Hope was the only thing that mattered to her. What hadn't been quite so clear before was how having that casually threatened would make her feel. She had let her guard down at the worst moment, but anger had narrowed her focus.

"We made a deal, O'Hara." Abby looked surprised at the brush off. Good, she thought.

"You want my report? My final report?" The story had been forming in her head all week but it wasn't until last night had it come together with any kind of clarity. It was her only chance. "I've been looking for signs of what you were worried about. Just a hint of that troublemaker everyone's so afraid of." She could tell Abby was becoming annoyed but she continued anyway. "Then I got to know her. Maybe even as much as you did at one time I think."

That seemed to strike a chord.

"Oh?" Abby had propped herself on one elbow. A mix of interest and danger projected back. This could go in one of many terrible ways that look said.

"That's when I knew you weren't worried about her causing any trouble. Because once I knew her I wasn't either. That leaves being worried for her." Kelley shrugged. Effectively throwing it all back at Abby to deal with. She had been around Hope to much. God, she cringed inwardly. She hoped Abby hadn't recognized the influence.

Kelley let herself take a few more steps until she stood in the doorway. She should have left, but when she heard nothing curiosity got the better of her. When she looked back Abby did look weak. As though the bed had become a literal trap. Leaving her immobilized. Weary even.

"Are you?" Abby said. "Are you worried for her?" She was searching for the answer she had missed every other morning until then. Kelley had been right. Abby was worried. That presented her with a whole new set of problems.

She didn't mean to answer, but her thoughts flashed back to the night before. Of fingertips tracing along skin. Secrets that weren't hers to tell. Two steps more and she was out in the safety of the hallway. When Abby didn't call out again she wondered if it was because she had somehow already got her answer.

***  
  


USA  
Spring, 2007

_If anyone asked she was getting ice. That's what she was going to say at least. Abby held up her ice bucket and trod barefoot down the hall. She was wearing boardshorts and a tshirt against the perpetually cool hotel hallway. She needed to see for herself. That was all. Then she'd get ice because that's what you did at hotels._

_The plan got more complicated when she turned the corner and found a gathering outside of Hope's door. No one else needed an ice bucket to be there she noted. It was a small group consisting of a few people you might classify as Hope's friends and then a couple who would be outside anyone's door at a time like this because they were nice like that. Abby didn't fit into either category._

_"Is Hope still up?"_

_"Still up," Chalupny answered for the group. The accompanying look implied that was the junior edition answer to a much more complicated story. "We're taking turns sitting with her until it's time for her flight home. She shouldn't be alone right now. Did you want to -" Lori didn't finish the sentence._

_That disappointed her. More because they all instinctively knew she'd say no rather than the fact they would have been right. She didn't want to go in there, but it did pain her there was no one better to do the job. No one seemed up to the task._

_The door opened and Cat stepped out. She looked more haggard than the others. Over her shoulder Abby could see a lamp was on. There was an empty chair and a pile of blankets on the bed. Somewhere under that was Hope._

_"You're here for?" Cat looked her up and down. She had a tone to her voice Abby didn't care for._

_It was almost enough reason to prove them wrong and take a turn. It would have been the wrong reason of course. Not everything was a competition. It was past midnight and she didn't want to get into it with Cat though. Besides, she needed information._

_"Ice." Abby lifted the bucket up. "How's she doing?"_

_"She could take something and go to sleep until the van is ready in the morning, but she'd much rather be awake and miserable. Like it's her duty to keep it up all night."_

_Maybe that tone was permanent. No one offered a different opinion though. They all thought Hope was being dramatic about it all. Was she? Abby leaned back and looked into the room again. All seemed quiet for the moment at least. How were you supposed to act after a call from the morgue?_

_Cat was one of Hope's closest friends on the team. Abby could never figure why they spent so much time together. Cat was sarcastic and churchy when just one or the other were only almost tolerable. But she was there. That counted for something._

_"Tell -" Abby cleared her throat. Tell her what? That you stopped by? Nearly stopped by? That's nice. "I'll tell the girls something tomorrow. You don't have to worry about that part."_

_Ultimately it was the ice machine that was on the receiving end of her attention. When she was done loosening ice up for herself and the next ten people she headed back back down the hall. A few hour long shifts ticked off in her head before she fell asleep._

***

It was around three in the afternoon. A long morning of recovery was behind them all. It was free time from lunch until after dinner for the evening meeting. Instead of doing touristy things with the rest of the team Kelley had stayed behind nursing a sore neck that no amount of recovery time seemed to shift. Staying clear of Abby had seemed a wise decision too and Alex wasn't exactly in a good mood either. She had ruffled a few feathers this week.

Cheney stayed behind to keep her company. The two were crowded onto Kelley's comically narrow Swedish hotel bed. A nest of blankets, pillows, and non-crumb making snacks fanned out around them. The laptop sat between them with the next episode queued up.

"I don't know how you can be a fan of both _Glee_ and _Revenge_. You could get whiplash." Cheney reached across Kelley for a goldfish cracker. The jumbo carton had taken up most of Kelley's discretionary luggage space on the journey over to Sweden but at that moment she had no regrets. Cheney outlined a few of the show's faults. Also known as charms in Kelley's universe.

"Of all the things to complain about you pick 'continuity' in an episode featuring disco music." Kelley decapitate a gummy bear thoughtfully. She knew she had been pushing it with _Glee_.

Putting in some friendship maintenance time was long overdue. She had been off in her own world since qualifiers and it hadn't gone without notice. Whether they thought it was because of her new place on the team or had pinned it more recently on Hope she wasn't sure. Hope was not a topic. At least when Kelley was around. There had only been a few cursory comments among her friends that morning about where she had gone out the night before. The lack of normal interest only told her it was talked about. Just not with her.

The door creaked and they both looked up. It swung open a few feet and someone hesitated in the opening. Cheney had the better angle to see who it was.

"Looking for Kelley? She's in here."

Hope stepped away from the threshold. Both hands were thrust down deep into the pockets of her Nike hoodie. As though she believed taking up a fraction less space in the room would make her also appear less conspicuous. It hardly made a dent.

"You didn't go on the trip today." Hope's soft, almost wavery voice for once was not at odds with her appearance.

Instead of her normally severe ponytail her hair hung loose. Kinked where a tie had been until recently. Past her hoodie and track pants bare ankles disappeared into a pair of hotel slippers. It was far from the put together version of Hope that usually appeared in front of people here.

"I already had the tour by a local," Kelley explained. Cheerful until she could figure out what was going on. She looked for any trace of the person from the night before.

She always had to calculate how much ground had been lost from the last time she had seen Hope. These touchpoints weren't entirely new with them. Every day seemed to be a reintroduction of some sort. Which Hope was she going to get? Nothing like last night had happened before though. Nothing like this had happened either.

Hope cleared her throat. She glanced over at Cheney. It wasn't going to be easy getting anything out of her with an audience that look said. She had probably come expecting to catch Kelley alone. Cheney for her part was quietly appearing to play with her phone while the hand under the covers gave Kelley periodic jabs.

"That wasn't my official tour by the way," Hope said so dryly Kelley almost missed the meaning entirely.  

"It wasn't?"  

"I was just checking in. I should get going. Let you get back to -"

It was perhaps only then Hope wondered what they were actually doing. She turned a skeptical eye to the massive pile of pillows Kelley had sweet talked out of the staff. The fallout zone of discarded kleenex on the floor from the sad episode of Glee a few hours ago. It probably looked like the aftermath of a breakup more than anything.

"Watching _Glee_ ," Cheney supplied. "Are you a fan?"

Hope shook her head. Whatever had compelled her to risk coming to Kelley's room was probably more important than just a wellness check slash binge watching intervention. "I don't know what that is."

Whatever was going on Kelley knew she needed to keep her close until she figured out. It didn't seem like Hope really wanted to leave either. She was looking at the bed like she'd fall face first into it if given the slightest opportunity. As though she was almost as exhausted as she had been the night before in fact.

"I thought you said you would be in and out today. Something change?"

The nonchalant shrug Hope gave as an answer was undone by the set of her jaw. She was mad and trying very hard to keep a lid on it.

"They discovered some tightness from yesterday that needed to be worked out. It's taking longer than expected." Another shrug. All of her bad signals were firing. Kelley wondered if Cheney could see it too. The word _tightness_  in particular lit up in her mind. She need to keep her talking.

"So you're stuck here?"

"I just need to be out of the way for a couple hours," Hope said. Her voice had dropped off at the end. It had been damned near quiet enough to begin with. Kelley made up her mind.

"Be out of the way here."

"I can't -" Hope stopped short. "I don't want to interrupt your afternoon."

"Maybe I want to be interrupted," Kelley shot back. She was stubborn and frustrated at the week long battle of wills. Hope met her gaze with visible frustration of her own.

Hope was poised to say something but ended up letting out a ragged sigh instead. It was hard to argue against what you wanted. Kelley knew she had been doing that with increasing difficulty from day one. Hope looked from her to Cheney. The balance of powers shifting subtly to the midfielder. She felt a jab under the covers again. This was going to cost her.

"If you've figured out how to tell her no you're further along than I am," Cheney said. "It's easier just to give in." She reached over Kelley and flipped up the covers. Cold air rushed in and Kelley swiped at the trailing edge as it went by. "No harm in staying for an hour, right?"

***

It was decided then. After some shifting and rearranging among the three of them Hope carefully settled along the edge of the bed. Laying on her side with what Kelley had come to think of as her "good arm" down. She was a touch lower on the pillow pile than where Kelley sat half propped up. Low enough that she could have rested her cheek on Kelley's shoulder if she had been so inclined. She wasn't.

Every movement had been painfully precise. Even after they hit play and the next episode of _Glee_ loaded up she hadn't fully found a comfortable spot. All of the incidental contact attested to that. Kelley pretended not to see her wipe her sleeve over her eyes before tucking her hand under her chin again. She had gotten her to stay, but Hope might as well have been a million miles away with her secrets.

"Don't fall off," Kelley whispered after a while. "We don't have replacement keepers."

"That's the problem," Hope replied darkly.

Crap. She recalled the completely mortal goalkeeper exposed the night before and wanted to kick herself. She had managed to step right into the problem while trying for some innocent banter.

"Not your problem though," Hope added as though on second thought. She leaned in and discretely grabbed a handful of Kelley's sweatshirt. An effective anchor. She turned her face into Kelley's shoulder and shut her eyes. Conversation over.

***

By the time the first episode was over Hope was asleep. A warm, heavy weight against her side in comparison to Cheney's easier presence on her right. Cheney's glances and occasional poking had decreased to an impatient simmer as developments slowed. Kelley's phone vibrated softly on the nightstand and Cheney handed it to her. She had a text message.

Lauren Cheney 4m  
What is going on?

Kelley O'Hara 3m  
Kurt is getting bullied again by the guy he was friends with in the last episode. #continuity 

Lauren Cheney 3m  
:P What's the deal with sleeping beauty?

Kelley tried to extract Hope's secrets from the rest of the story. To see what remained that could be told. It began to unravel at every turn. She needed to put some nugget of truth in there though. She was starting to feel like an expert in the runaround.

Kelley O'Hara 2m  
you know how I said we had dinner last night? I sorta went to her apartment too. Annnd we talked and she wants to me to meet with people from a club about playing here. #undecided

Now it was Cheney's turn to stare at her phone for a while. Maybe that nugget had been boulder sized in the end. It had seemed the least important of her collection of secrets, but every option gave something away. This gave away something about herself that seemed safe. But what had this started out as? A question about Hope? She hadn't intended on it being an answer to that, but perhaps in the end had been.

She watched as Cheney started to type something and deleted it more than once. Finally she hit send.

Lauren Cheney 30s  
She looks harmless when she's asleep.

Harmless. It was a loaded word. There was an implied state of danger in that. The other side of the coin. Kelley couldn't argue against it. Just her walking into a room had caused ripples. Existing at all among them caused a series of choices most of the time. She could see why Hope had stayed in Sweden. It gave her a chance to just be Hope. No calculated looks. No strings attached.

***

After two episodes Cheney took her leave. Dinner downstairs and a phone call with her boyfriend on the agenda. Kelley tried to look innocent as Cheney glanced back at them from the doorway but instead she felt the tug on the corners of her lips. She was glad Tobin wasn't there. Tobin would know. Cheney merely put the Do Not Disturb sign up and Kelley made a face at her before the door was shut. Not a bad idea should anyone return early she decided a little more soberly.

Left to her own devices she shut off the computer and scrolled through social media on her phone. Teammates had started posting pictures of their outing. Food. She got hungry and thought about ordering room service. Thought about moving to the other side of the bed. She didn't.

An alarm sounded. It was partially muffled or Kelley would have jumped. Or at least jumped more. Hope reacted quickly to silence it. Finding it somewhere in a pocket and pulling it out to look at the screen. Actual awareness seemed to creep in then and she tensed. Kelley spoke up to head off any awkwardness.

"Have to go?"

"They'll be expecting me in fifteen minutes." Her sleep rough voice gave no indication to what she was thinking. With much less haste Hope shut off the screen and sank back down into bed. Saying nothing as she tucked back against Kelley's arm. Hand under her chin. A very concerned expression was on her face.

"Anything I can do?"

"Don't move for a few minutes," she mumbled.

Kelley was still curious, but pushing things wasn't going to get her anywhere she decided. She saw Hope glance at the phone still on in her hand so she held it up for her as she scrolled through Instagram. Pictures of her family, teammates, surfing, and the usual suspects from home scrolled past. Hope identified where the team was eating but said nothing more.

She was nosy and asked for Hope's Instagram. There was no comment when she pressed follow. Hope's posts were rarely of herself. Instead there was scenery from her morning jogs, lots of boats, and a few team related charity events. Hope pointed out a few places more relevant than the others to her. They all were personally important to her even if it wasn't apparent at first. What looked like the most generic pictures ever all had meaning. Kelley favorited the one of Hope she saw where she was mostly concealed under a scarf, hat and with not much more than a strip left open for her eyes and pointing to a snow covered soccer field. She hated being cold but there she was in Sweden. It was a quiet irony.

"They knew," Hope said abruptly. At once Kelley knew it was about her shoulder. The treatments on her back. When the rest came it was like a thunderstorm rolling in. "I don't know how they knew but they did. Or maybe they suspected and just poked and prodded until they got their answer. There is no other explanation for what happened today. I've had worse days in rehab, but not many."

She went on to describe it briefly. All of the strength tests and reps that were unusual the day after a game. Unusual in all respects. The details struck a stark contrast to Hope giving her permission to see it yesterday. She had been careful in her exam. Very careful. They had not. Damn, she was mad.  

"What did they say?" More importantly, what will they do?

"They haven't said anything yet. Not a word about any of it. They are waiting for me. They're making me sweat it out I guess. Or they needed the time to make a decision. If they send me home at least I'm on the right continent already." There was that morbid humor creeping in.

By the end of the last camp Hope had thought she was finished. The media had flared up and her fears nearly became realized. She even said goodbye in the airport. Now she was with her back against the wall again. No wonder she had come when she did. Some say what people fear revealed their true motivations. Hope did not want to leave.

"There is something they don't know," Hope said. Some private thought had brought on a rare smile. She sat up up and swung her legs around.  Feet slid back into slippers.

"My secret weapon." She placed her hand on Kelley's shoulder and looked her straight in the eye for the first time all afternoon. "Thanks for letting me stay. For listening to my drama. For being kind." Then in a much more serious tone. "I know why you stayed behind. Take care of yourself. I'll I need you tomorrow."

The fact she spoke about tomorrow at all after voicing her fears struck Kelley as much as her concern had. Long after she had gone, after Kelley had ordered food, after she checked her phone for a message she was never promised, she had one lingering thought that left her cold. What Hope described hardly seemed to go along with Pia's normal way of dealing with things. Just who was behind it then?  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I need is everything  
> Inside, outside, feel new skin  
> All I need is everything  
> Feel the slip and the grip of grace again
> 
> All I Need Is Everything ~ Over the Rhine


End file.
